To Close a Book

To close a book

Separates one world from another.

The first is lovely at the first look;

The other is too broken to be together.

As the cover sticks to the rest of the pages,

A barrier is fixed as I make a sigh.

As one journey stops through the ages,

Another goes on and dreams fly high.

To close a book

Is leaving all fantasies behind.

Though you have to let go of the things you once get hooked,

Memories remain and are available for rewind.

The empathy that brought back a love that's lost

The words that inspired a soul in darkness

A resolved conflict priced at a worthless cost

A lesson that's worthy to be witnessed.

To close a book

Separates the ideal from real.

The former may line smooth as the latter has a crook.

There's a reason why real can't remain still:

It rests on the hands.

11282010

We are not for sale!

11252010. I joined the strike.

It was my first time to attend a rally. This is indeed a memorable day for me, for this is also my first time in my UP life to say my stand against the 1.39B budget cut through a protest. We had a snake rally along the UP Manila campus. I did this voluntarily, and this is not a requirement of any "leftist" professor. I DID THIS TO BE HEARD.

Sad to say, not all understands why we are doing this. Or maybe the majority of all the Filipinos. Some will say "Puro na lang kayo rally... Wala na kayong magandang sinabi sa gobyerno." (see comments here: http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/11/25/10/students-walk-out-over-budget-cuts?page=1) The question is: have you ever seen the whole picture of this issue? Maybe it is easy for these people to tell these words and make judgments; but they do not know the situation of an Iskolar ng Bayan. In UP, a Bracket B student (with an annual family income of Php 1M and below) pays Php 1000 per unit in tuition fees alone, excluding the miscellaneous fees -- an amount which is almost similar in private schools. We still belong to the state universities and colleges (SUCs). In this mere situation alone, it is already hard to tell that we are still subsidized by the government. Do they know that most of our classrooms are not conducive for learning? Try to visit a state university in the Philippines once. You'll see malfunctioning air conditioners, improvised laboratory facilities, last-century desktop computers, broken windows and many more. Is this what they call QUALITY EDUCATION? After that, ask a UP professor on how much do they earn in teaching these students. And I hate these close-minded people. Be informed. Think twice or maybe even thrice before giving words. As my classmate said, "Unless you're from UP, it will somehow be hard for you to understand..." All the facts are laid. I do hope you all have the mind to understand our situation.

The budget of UP gets smaller every year. The worst thing is, for the 2011 budget, Php 1.39B was slashed from the proposed budget -- the largest in UP history. The majority of the students are below the poverty line. And there are many deserving students who loses hope each year because they do not have enough money for a higher education. Aside from that, UP also shoulders the budget of the Philippine General Hospital (PGH), an institution giving healthcare services to more than 600,000 patients.

On the other hand, the military sector had a budget increase of more than Php 100B. I am not saying that the military does not need a budget fee increase; but does all the money go to where it should go? I hope I am wrong that this huge amount, together with the pork barrels, goes to the hands of the greedy.

And what will be the solution? Another tuition fee increase? Privatization of SUCs? NO. As long as the word STATE is still there, it is an obligation of the Philippine government to provide education for all. We are simply asking for our fair share. We have done everything to be heard: signature campaigns, letters, protests; but none of them was heard. And I hope that this time, this strike will break down all the barriers that keep the government from listening to our cry.

I may not have all the time to join the whole strike, but I have my full support to oppose the 1.39B University of the Philippines budget cut.

Education is a right. UP NOT FOR SALE!

11182010

2nd year, 2nd sem. New life... and hopefully, a better class standing.

I can't believe that I am still alive for more than a year since I entered college. Miracles happen.

So why did I end up posting a blog again in this site (after a long time)? Hhmm... I simply miss posting anything here. Since no one reads this (and I do hope that someone will do, someday), I think I should post more blogs here. >:)

...

I love writing. My campus journalism experience molded this interest of mine since when I was in elementary. In fact, I was a news editor before. It is hard to believe that this blogger, who seemed nothing in the real world, was an editor of her school paper.

What I love the most in writing is poetry. Unlike news articles, essays and commentaries, it is in poetry where I can fully express myself. I write poems way back when I was in high school. They may be not as great as the ones written by famous poets, but I can assure that my poems are expressive. However, none of those poems were existing. You might probably find me crazy, but I burned all of them, deleted in my previous blogs; thus making them all extinct. I made them for certain reasons; and I have no regrets in doing that. It sets me free.

Last month, I made a promise with myself that I will make poems again. I have been busy in the last several months (for more than a year, in fact) doing academic stuffs. College made me a boring person. I simply want to revive this dying passion of mine. This is my way to tell the world that I already moved on from the darkness of the past and constantly changing... No one can put boundaries around and keep me from expressing myself through and between the lines.

Aperture

...

I am numb of falling... and that makes me stronger.
Since wala namang tumitingin dito, pwede naman siguro akong maglabas ng sama ng loob, di ba?

Oo, pagod na ako. Wala akong masisi kundi ang sarili ko. Sino pa ba?

What I Missed the Most

Elo was found guilty... of being physically present, but mentally and spiritually absent. (???) She was found guilty of cramming in examinations, of having much time on Facebook than laboratory manuals, of forgetting to have a prayer, and of leaving the Bible unread from Monday to Saturday.

Aw, grabe na pala, at kung tutuusin, kulang pa yan. I have a lot of sins. Natural lang, dahil isa rin lang akong tao. Pero di ba dapat may pagbabago?

"I Woke up this morning
With this feeling inside me that I can't explain like a weight that I've carried
Been carried away, away"

Aminin na, may mga araw talaga na parang EMPTY. The feeling na parang ang hirap bumangon sa umaga, kahit dapat nagcracram na. Samahan pa ng mga araw na parang dumadaan lang sa tainga ko ang discussion ng prof, at saka lang mag-aaral ng todo a day before exams. Mga araw na hindi alam kung saan ang patutunguhan. I must be happy, of course...pero may times na ang hirap magpakasaya.

I missed God. Yun na yon. Naalala ko pa ang bonding moments with the ministry. Namimiss ko na ang tambourine ko... ang sarili as a tambourinist. At ng nag-aral ako dito sa Manila, umaattend ako sa Sunday service, but it feels like I'm numb. He seems so distant...at ako, hindi ko alam kung saang lupalop ng isipan napapadpad. Sometimes, nagde-daydream lang, o kaya naman pinoproblema ang acads habang nasa church.

Apart from God, I can do nothing. Siguro nakakalimutan ko ang sentence na ito. Masyado akong nagrerely sa sarili ko, kahit hindi naman reliable.

Ikaw lang naman ang lumalayo eh. Yan ang words na nag-e-echo sa isipan ko. It has been so long, pero ang slow ng development. Haay. I have spent too much on other things na hindi naman magtatagal. I'm so sorry.

Pero thankful na rin ako... dahil hindi Niya ako pinabayaan. ^_^ Binigyan pa ako ng chance. Mabuti na lang may nag-invite sa akin na umattend sa isang Bible Study sa campus. It was just then na na-realize ko na I had missed a lot.

"It feels like today I know
It feels like today I'm sure
It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing I'm wishin'
Life's sacred blessin' and then
It feels like today "

Narestore na ulet... parang ganun. :') Wala namang mangyayari sa akin kung patuloy lang akong malulungkot at isipin kung gaano ka-unfair ang mundo. I need to grow (parang halaman). I have to look forward sa mga plano ni God sa akin. I do believe that He always loves me (cheesy!).

(...at nagkaroon pa ako ng time para magblog. haha. detox mode. may 2 hell weeks pa na paparating.)

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (Favorite verse. I would like to thank Ate Zabdiel for this... kahit alam kong hindi mo nababasa itong blog ko.)

first "adventure"...

Hindi sila nagkamali... Akala ko tsismis lang ang lahat.

January 2, 2010. Nagsimula kong napakinggan ang bali-balita tungkol sa pier... Nagsimula ang mahabang pila sa pier. Supercat lang daw ang bumabyahe... Ayon sa kanila, dahil daw un sa M/V Baleno 9. Suspended ang Besta Shipping Lines, ang owner ng nasabing barko. Hindi tsismis ang nangyari sa barko... at ang malinaw na dahilan: kapabayaan. Improper lashing at mga crew na pinhintulutang uminom ng alak ang nagdulot ng trahedya. Marami ang nawawala, hindi lahat ay nakasulat sa manifesto. Samahan pa ng katotohanang second hand lang ang lahat ng ro-ro ships sa Pilipinas. Pinagsabihan na ang kapatid ko na magpabook na agad, para makaalis ng maaga kinabuksan... Hindi natuloy ang booking... huli na ang lahat.

January 3, 2010. A day after... Nagising ako ng 5am. Mula sa Calapan Pier, bumalik ang kapatid ko ng umagang iyon na sana ay paalis na, dahil may pasok na sila kinabukasan. Exaggerated ang description niya sa pier... but this time, naniniwala na ako. Super haba ng pila sa pier na halos mapuno ang quadrangle para sa pila. Samahan pa ng mahabang pila ng mga bus at truck sa labas. (Note: 4am pa lang nung pumunta si Kuya.) Nakita pa niya ang isa niyang kakilala na 2am pa dumating doon, subalit terminal ticket pa lang ang nabibili. Yung iba naman, doon na natulog... may nakalatag na mga sinirang kahon. At ang desisyon: Plan B: pumunta sa Puerto Galera at doon sumakay ng bangka papuntang Batangas. Success naman ang plano, kahit ayon sa marami ay hindi safe doon. Nakarating ang kapatid ko sa Manila around 10:30am.

Syempre natakot din ako... Nag-eenjoy pa ako sa aking Christmas vacation, at sa January 4 pa ang schedule ko para magpaalam sa province ko. I was even asked by my brother kung sasabay na ba ako sa kanya. Hindi ako pumayag. Hindi pa ako prepared. Kahit alam kong maraming assignment na dapat gawin pagbalik ko, tinanggihan ko ang offer.

Noong gabi ng araw ding iyon, pumunta kami ng Tito ko sa pier. Sakay kami ng motor. Nagbabaka-sakali na sana hindi na ganoon kagrabe ang pila. Pero lalo lang kaming nawalan ng pag-asa. From Brgy. Calero hanggang sa Calapan Pier, paralisado ang isang lane ng hi-way. Doon naka-park ang mga bus at truck. Galing pa ang ibang mga bus sa Visayas, at kadalasan dumaraan ang mga ito sa Mindoro para makarating ng Manila. At ang mga truck na may laman na prutas, bigas, hayop, atbp., nakatambay rin. Ilang araw na silang hindi makaalis. Marahil malapit ng mabulok ang mga prutas. Ubos na ang budget ng mga nastranded. Awa ang naramdaman ko, pero wala akong magawa.
Nakita ko rin ang pier. Maraming tao. Mahaba ang pila. Kahit papano nangalahati ang pila. Marahil bumalik na ang iba... at bukas ulit pipila dahil hindi safe ang byahe sa gabi. Nag-interview kami sa isang guard doon. may ticket naman para bukas, ngunit hindi pa rin sigurado kung makakakuha kami dahil sa mahabang pila. Bawal ang reservations.

...at ako? Hindi na ako nangahas makipagsapalaran sa pang-box office na pila sa Calapan City Pier. Change route. Sa Puerto Galera kami dadaan.

January 4, 2010. This is the day. Honestly, ayoko pang umalis. Sino ba ang gusto? Hindi sapat ang two weeks sa akin. Kasabay ko ang pinsan ko at friend ng kapatid ko para sa adventure. Ten years na ako sa Oriental Mindoro, pero first time ko pa lang makarating sa Puerto Galera, ang isa sa mga tourist spots sa province. Mahaba rin ang byahe sa jeep, 100 pesos ang bayad. First time ko ring nakita ang Tamaraw Falls, na hindi ko agad nalaman na un na pala un. Sa pier ng Sabang kami napadpad. Akala ko white sand, kulay red pala. XD Siguro hindi lang talaga pang-beach ang napuntahan namin. Hindi environmental-friendly ang mga tao doon. Sa dagat lumalabas ang sewage. May traces ng oil sa tabi ng dagat.

8:15 ang nakalagay sa ticket namin. 240 pesos. Marami na ang nakadiscover sa alternative route, kaya nilubus-lubos na ng kumpanya. M/B Penguin III ang sinakyan namin. Sabi ng kapatid ko 200 lang ang ticket nila kahapon. Parang kapareho na rin ang presyo sa fastcraft tulad ng Supercat. Pero 9:30 na kami nakaalis. Isa sa dahilan ang maraming pasahero; samahan pa ng low tide, kaya hindi makalapit ang barko sa baybayin. Nag-unload pa ng pasahero gamit ang "baruto" (first time kong na-encounter ang word na un.). Un ang sinasakyan ng mga pasahero, parang balsa na pinapagalaw gamit ang tikin. High tech. Hindi ko sila masisi... Hindi rin naman nila kasalanan iyon. Iyon rin ang ginamit namin para makasakay sa bangka.

Isang oras ang byahe. OK naman, maliban sa sprinkle ng salt water noong malapit na kami sa Batangas. Nagbigay na rin sila ng life jacket, siguro takot na rin silang if ever na magkaroon ng accident. Sinuot ko lang ang life jacket para magpapicture at tinanggal na ulit. (pasaway eh...) Hindi na kami sumakay ng baruto para makaalis. Nasa kabihasnan na ang pier ng Batangas... :)) Hinarang pa ang friend ng kuya ko ng isang reporter from GMA. Late na nila nalaman ang balita. Kung kailan marami na ang biktima.

Then sumakay na kami ng bus. Nagkahiwa-hiwalay na kami. Hanggang Batangas lang ang friend ni Kuya, biyaheng Cubao naman si pinsan, at ako sa Buendia. Seven hours lahat-lahat ang biyahe na dapat four hours lang. Balik na ulit ang lahat sa normal na buhay. Sunud-sunod ang exams sa first week of classes. Hindi ko na naisip ang pahinga. Eto na ulit ako, 2010. Crammer pa rin.

wrapped.zipped.closed.

hindi ko rin alam...
hahaha...
andito lang ako para magcool down for a bit...
kabadtrip ung connection... ayaw magkonek o epal lang talaga ung laptop.

haay... it's been a long time since nung huli akong nagblog. ewan ko rin ba... kung feel ko lang talaga. 2010 na pala. hahaha... ang daming pagbabago... at ayoko pang tumanda.

ang daming nangyari sa two weeks ng christmas vacation. sa wakas narealize ko rin na hindi na ako bata. :)) wahaha... hindi na ako pwedeng mamasko. today is a mile-far different than yesterday... (english! :P) minsan nalulungkot rin... kahit holidays, may karapatang magpaka-emo...ewan ko kung bakit kelangang tumulo ang luha ko during Christmas Eve... dahil dun, hindi natuloy ang GM... hehe...

un naman talaga ako eh... umiiyak for no valid reason... kung may reason man, siguro mababaw na dahilan. (pero para sa akin seryoso na un.) dun lang naman nauuwi ang lahat eh... sa huli, ako pa rin ang mali. ang hindi makaunawa... ang taong late makarealize. ang hirap unawain ano??? ^_^

sinalubong ko ang 2010 na... hmmm...d;lasjidfh;of.... wala akong maisip na adjective para dun. kelangan ko nang magbago. ayaw kong sabihing new year's resolution un, kasi baka hindi matupad... oo... magpapaka-GC na ako. magpapakabait. babawasan ang oras sa pagharap at pagbrowse sa facebook.com. magpapaka-optimistic kahit mahirap. kakain ng marami... (hindi ko pa kayang kumain ng mabilis... :D) magpapataba.

siguro kelangan kong magpatawad... hmmm... kung tutuusin wala naman akong dahilan para magalit. wala naman siyang ginawang offense sa akin. sino ba ako...? It's getting over. period. Sa wakas natauhan na rin ako. Namulat. Enlightenment ba??? Wala na talaga... pero may mga times pa rin na pumapasok sa isip ko un... hehehe. seven nga pala bukas... hahaha!!!

...un na lang muna. may exam pa ako!!!!

01062010