comic. tragic.

Last Song Syndrome.

Because this song speaks of a half-fiction-half-real story.
A day will come when I'll laugh every time I remember it.

To have something to laugh at in the future, I decided to post this... before this season ends.

Story of Us 

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say they're the lucky ones 

I used to know my place was a spot next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on 

Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fallout
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up, I can't break through 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

Next chapter 

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me 

I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me 

Oh I'm scared to see the ending
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side 

The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love then fight 

So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
Now, now 

And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
'Cause we're going down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

THE END.

for a friend

^supposedly a letter. recovered from a note written last October 22. still in hope that the person is getting better.

***

This would be an attempt of writing a letter for you. With this letter kept hidden, it would be impossible for you to read any of these words; it would be impossible for you to hear my side. I do hope that one day, you'll be able to listen to my side.

I know that these past few days became too hard for you, that you are indeed in a state when everything seem hopeless. Certainly, I am aware of it; it is only that I am afraid of telling these words; it is only that I might not take it to see you in that condition. Yes, in this situation I am a coward.

I do hope that you will just have a faith despite of everything happening in your life. I do not care if it is big or small, at least you have one. At least you have the guts that will drive you to push further until you have spent all of your strength. Bear in mind that God has His grace that is always there, that this grace is made perfect in weakness. Continue to have that attitude of faith.

Please do not give up, for the people around you are not giving up. When you are weak, it does not mean that you already gave up. And even if you become weak, there will people around you who will support you in every possible way that they can. And even if these people around you will be gone, God will still be there for you. He will never leave you, whatever happens.

Get well soon. You still need to pursue that dream that I dreamed before.

I Dreamed a Dream

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost

This is the season when I should be busy in submitting application forms for med schools. This must be the time when I should envision myself as someone who is wearing a white coat and carrying a stethoscope.  I should be excited in studying parasites and tissues as it gives a glimpse of what I will be studying in the future.

But that's not the case for me. I never thought that the childhood dream slowly became blurry and later out of my sight. To make words simpler, right now, I cannot see myself as a physician in the future.

"I want to be a doctor someday." Those were the words that I had said since I was a child. I used to tell my classmates that I want to become a doctor. My family, since the earliest moment in my life that I can remember, have encouraged me to become one. I was too young to think of what path I want to take then, but I at that time I simply wanted to heal the sick.

Years have passed, and during my first twelve years in school, whenever I was asked of my ambition, I would always tell them that I want to be a doctor. All of them would believe on me, and all of them would hope that I will be someday. And then it changed.

I am taking Biology in college (and will graduate on April 2013). It is indeed a course for those who want to go into the medical field. As a pre-med course, this degree program really showed me what life is. I was able to see the things beyond what I see in animals and plants and nature, but I failed to appreciate its medical applications.

Calling? Certainly, there is, but I heard a different call. Different from what I aspired years ago.

After my undergrad, I am planning to take a master's degree and pursue teaching or research (Teaching is much closer to my heart, btw). These are the career options that any Bio major would less likely to choose. I don't know what will happen in the next chapters in my life; I do not have a foresight of what will happen in the future. I changed my mind not because I lose hope; I only want to take a different path right now. I want to do something that I would really love, something that I would passionately do even if the salaries are low.

To those who believed and hoped with me, I pray that I did not fail your expectations of me. I hope that whatever would become of me in a few years time, you will still be happy for me, and will celebrate with me.

Trembling Flicker

(a villanelle in reply to Rizal's poem Kundiman)

another PI100 (Rizal) requirement.
because I never thought I would be able to write something like this. :)

***

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

Generations might have not listened to your song, yet

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Struggle appears then disappears in sight;

For years, your words that people forget –

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

Silent cries echo with all its might

And your voice was expressing regret.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Those lives which were lost from this long fight

Will ignite your words that people forget –

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

The time has come when some have heard what's right.

A day will come when tears will not wet.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Your love song will be sung by people who unite;

At last, our land will hear it as justice is set.

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

09242012

Sino ba ako para problemahin ang problema ng iba?

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam. Hindi naman ako dating ganito. Noon, isa akong tao na walang pakialam sa mundo. Sino sila para paglaanan ko ng oras sa pag-iisip? May sari-sariling buhay ang bawat tao. Pero may koneksyon ang isang tao sa isa pa. Kailanman ay hindi mo masasabi na nag-iisa ang tao.

Tahimik akong tao, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon ay wala akong pakialam sa kanila. Sa paglabas ng bawat unos na sumasapit sa mga taong nakapalibot sa akin, nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman nila. Mga bagay na tila kung tutuusin ay hindi ko dapat iniisip. Subalit hindi sapat ang aking pang-unawa upang unawain ang lahat ng ito, at hindi sapat ang aking kakayahan upang isaayos ang lahat ng bagay. Tulad nila, isa lamang akong tao. Walang kakayahang maging makapangyarihan sa lahat ng bagay.

Ang mga suliraning iyon ang unti-unting dumudurog sa puso ko. Ito ang mga bagay na kung tutuusin ay hindi ko dapat nararamdaman. Minsan naisip ko na magpakamanhid na lang sa ginagawa nila. Pero ibang nilalang na ako ngayon. Hindi na umiikot sa aking sarili ang buong buhay ko. Naging bahagi na rin sila ng buhay ko.

Ang martir lang ng dating, di ba? Sa totoo lang, nakakapanghina. Nakakapanghinang isipin ang problema ng iba. Minsan gusto ko ng sumuko at ibalik ang dating sarili, ngunit hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang mawalan ng pakialam sa kapwa ko. Hindi ko kayang bitawan ang nararamdaman ng mga taong minamahal ko, lalo na ng Diyos na alam kong nakakaramdam din ng mga ganitong bagay. Isang maliit na bintana lamang ang aking nasisilayang problema kumpara sa mga problemang nakikita Niya. Alam kong kailanman, hindi Siya nawalan ng pakialam sa problema sa mundo.

Mabuti na lang, hindi Siya tao. Di hamak na malawak ang Kanyang pang-unawa, at higit Siyang makapangyarihan sa akin. Higit sa lahat, alam kong mapagmahal Siya. Alam kong wala na akong magagawa sa mga problema nila; ngunit kung Siya, alam kong meron pa.

Isa lang naman akong tao na nararamdaman ang problema ng iba. 

Adventures of a Bookworm

I guess I need to take a pause from the busyness of acads and tell you what happened on a Thursday night.

I went to the 33rd Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) at SMX Convention Center last Thursday. Last year's MIBF was the first book fair I ever attended, and I was with some of my blockmates who are also bookworms. With a limited budget at that time, I promised to myself that I will surely go to the next MIBF and will save a bigger amount of money.  These promises were granted last Thursday. :)

I arrived at SMX at around 5PM. Unlike last year, I went there alone. My senior days get busier as the end of semester approaches, and we failed to have a certain time schedule that we will be able to go there together. Going to a book fair alone is not lonely at all, because I somehow enjoy walking alone (Random fact: Most of the time I go to a mall unaccompanied.). I find joy in solitude, because during those times my mind becomes filled with lots of thoughts.

But that was not the actual case that happened in this book fair, because I was able to meet a new person. I met her inside the stall of National Bookstore, and as she saw me holding Pride and Prejudice, she told me, "Bibilhin mo? Maganda ang librong yan." I responded to her, and I said that it was indeed beautiful. I already read the novel and I simply wanted to have a copy of my own. From then on this stranger became my friend.

Her name is Liezel. She is a young professional, and a lover of classics like me. Surprisingly, she is a Christian attending at Victory Pioneer (Another random fact: I am attending at Victory U-Belt). At that time we talked about different classics, including Pride and Prejudice and Little Women. (..aand she also sees Mr. Darcy as an ideal man. :">) She also helped me in finding a more affordable version of Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina (because it is worth more than Php600 in NB).

Truly grateful of meeting a bookworm, a new friend that I would probably meet once in my whole life . I do hope that it will not be our last.

In the end, I was not alone at all. When she left, I also spotted some of my churchmates at the book fair. Riding on my way home in a jeepney full of strangers, I felt that I am not a lonely bookworm at all.

***

Bought eight books, two of which I have already read (Pride and Prejudice and What's So Amazing About Grace?). Both of them are highly recommended by yours truly... and it is worth having a copy of my own. On the left are the freebies I got from Penguin and OMF. 

08142012 (a lover named Love)

I am simply thankful that God, being the Love himself (1 John 4:16), does not keep any record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4). And there is this Love who is always mindful of a person like me (Psalm 8:3), who gave up His life for me.

I came across with this verse awhile ago:

Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to your love, remember me, for you are good, O Lord.
-Psalm 25:7 (NIV 1984) 

I am a person remembered according to his love, and he remembered my sins no more (Isaiah 43:25). If there is a love who is worthy to be called as the one who conquers it all, this Love is the one. Indeed, he is a love that overcame my iniquities. ♥

#inspiredlang #inlove #paulit-ulitnalove

Recalled to Life

***A blog article originally posted on Tumblr last October 31, 2011. May contain spoilers.

I am the Resurrection and the Life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives in me will never die.-John 11:25-26 (NIV)

This passage was quoted in A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens), a novel that I finished reading yesterday. And guess what? This same passage was the same text that I heard this afternoon at the church (It made me realize one thing: God can even speak through novels!).

First, I would like to give a picture of a scene in the book. The setting of the scene was set in France, during the French Revolution. One of the main characters is about to be guillotined in a few minutes. (This, I think, would be enough. I do not want to spoil anyone who has not yet read this novel. ;) )

Death, cruelty, injustice, inequality. These abstract nouns can be associated with the scenes in the novel. It is as if disorder comes after an attempt to change another disorder; and everything seems hopeless and tragic.

I am the Resurrection and the Life…
We tend to see the impossibilities and lose our hope, like passing through the edge of a canyon wherein the the only way is to go down. Hope, the thinnest string that keeps a person from falling, suddenly breaks when everything happens against. Everything fails. Then, we fail to understand why did it happen.

In this very moment, we must believe in Him and surrender. We might not see the picture right now: it might happen some time after or even fail to see it for the rest of our life, but God works even in the most unexpected ways. The thread may be gone, but there is God’s righteous right hand to save you from death, to bring back that stolen justice, and to steady that flickering view of His plan that we fail to see.

Easier said than done, right? I myself have suffered from hopelessness, and honestly it really approaches the word impossible. The world says no, but then my faith begins to say yes again as I was reminded again what God can do, especially in times like this. I know He can give life to my seemingly dying view of tomorrow.

I will stand at my watch
and station myself at the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.

-Habakkuk 2:1 

The Dream (a graffiti)

I saw you crying. I remembered this dream. And because our days are counted.

The Little Prince and I (a short story)

Those days will soon remain as memories: just plain memories. If rewinding a part of my past and playing it in loop are possible, I could have done it in order to cherish those memories. Even if it means upon reaching a certain season of adulthood I will become a child again, and even if those scenes would be repeating in cycles, I would rather have them than seeing my fate happening.

           My days are counted. Soon, I’m going to be married to a man. I will become a wife of someone after a week. My last few weeks have been so busy preparing for my wedding. Not just I, but all the people around me were busy. Being a bride-to-be is not like a princess waiting for that special day of happy ever after with the prince; a bride-to-be must iron out everything before the wedding comes: from venue, gowns, sponsors, up to reception area and honeymoon. And life does not end in marriage, so as long as I live, I cannot say that it will be a happy ever after.

            To isolate myself from the busyness of my marriage preparation, I went to a library to read. Reading novels allows me to forget reality for some hours. As that day comes near, my desire to forget reality becomes greater. I never really wanted that marriage in the first place; I never really loved him either. I am forced to marry someone whom I lately knew in order to strengthen my family’s business connections. I love someone else, but my parents did not (and will not ever) permit me. If my family is not powerful enough to make the life of the one I love miserable in the eyes of the society, I could have left them and fearlessly decide to leave that engagement.

               The smell of old books attracts me so much. I scanned from one shelf to another until I spotted the thin white book of The Little Prince. It was my favorite childhood story; and also his favorite novella.  How come that some things like this reminds me of him, I thought. We used to talk about it when we were young, believing that if the Little Prince did not allow the snake to bite him, he could have been alive until now.

            I grabbed the book, sat on the floor and leaned on a tall shelf filled with lots of other books. I opened the white book and scanned through its pages. The illustrations remain beautiful in the eyes of a grown-up like me, since it became a part of my childhood. These illustrations widened my developing imagination when I was young.

               “Hello there!” I suddenly heard a small, childlike voice. I stood up and walked across the room, looking on the each horizontal shelf that separate the room into sections. I was the only person in the room. I returned to the place where I sat and continued reading the book.

                “Hey miss! I’m here!” This time, that same small voice disturbed me.

                “Me?” I replied.

                Yes, the only person holding my book.”

             I looked at my side and saw a tiny young man standing beside me. He was a yellow haired and dressed in royal clothes. His eyes looked innocent, and he was smiling at me.

               I checked the book I was holding and saw the illustration of the Little Prince. Although the drawing is not as detailed as the little man I was seeing at that time, it confirmed that what I saw right before my eyes is the Little Prince.

                “You are… the prince here?” I, still surprised by what I saw, said these words to him as I pointed the illustration at the front cover. He nodded.

                The place was cold because the AC was on. The fact that I felt that coldness and the dusty books around me made me realize that I was not dreaming and what I was seeing is true.

                “Why did you call me?”

               “Because you are the only person in this room, and you are the only person who opened that book of mine after five years.”

                I felt sad upon hearing that, because I am also guilty of leaving his story behind. I grew up without thinking of the Little Prince until that moment of our encounter. I belonged to those grown-ups who left children’s stories to our childhood years.

                “I thought you were dead,” I said to him.

                “And according to what you are seeing now, I am not,” he responded. “I was able to return to my planet and saw my rose again.”

                “How is she now?”

               “She is too old to bloom as beautiful as the first time I saw her, yet she is still that same rose whom I love so dearly.”

                There was a dead silence between us. I knew that the reminiscence of his old rose made him feel sad at that time.

                “Why did you return to Earth?” I asked.

                “Because I thought I would still be able to see the pilot I met when I first arrived here. I want to tell him that my rose is still alive. After few weeks of my search for him, I heard that he was dead already. At first I thought that it was untrue, but when I went to this library and saw his biography and his book telling our story, it validated the words I heard from the people. I am really missing him.”

                I was not able to say anything for a moment. He was so sad and I do not know how to comfort him, to at least alleviate that sadness in his heart.

                 At last, I was able to say a sentence. “What can I do for you?”

              He looked at me, and his eyes suddenly enlightened with hope. “Please go with me. We will go back to the planet where I live.”

                “How can we travel from here to your planet?”

               He walked away towards a box. “You see this box? There is a cobra inside it. For five years I was able to go back and forth from asteroid B-612 to Earth using this cobra. Maybe you can help me bring back the beauty of my rose. I think she needs company other than me. We can then leave Earth and live there forever.”

                  I saw the box. It was not huge enough for a cobra in it. “There is a cobra in it?”

    “Yes.”

    “But Little Prince, I am going to be married next week. Actually, I’ll be marrying a person whom I never loved.”

               “Marrying him? Is it possible that a woman will marry a man whom she never loved?”

                With a faltering voice, I replied to him, “In this world, it is possible. In this world full of grown-ups, it is possible.” I felt the tears flowing from my eyes.

               “Ssshh… Don’t cry, miss. I’m sorry if I made you feel sad. If you want, you can run away from this mess. But once you decide to run, it will be very hard to come back. Would you like to go with me?”

                I stopped crying and thought for a moment. I can either leave this world or stay until that dreadful day comes. And how about the person I really loved? Even here or in B-612, I will not be able to see him. Since that day my parents knew that I loved him, he never appeared to me again. They have the powers to make him disappear. When I say powers, it means financial powers that enlarge their sphere of influence. They can do anything they want except one: they cannot go to B-612.

                I decided to retrieve my childhood days. At least I can have him in those days.

                “Do you trust me, my lady?”

                “Okay. I will go with you.”

***

Note: This is a story written for PI100. Believe it or not, this is an assignment in PI100, although this activity is not connected to Jose Rizal. But I really enjoyed writing short stories like these. It revived the dying writer inside me (or if there was no real writer inside me, it allowed to give birth to a new one. :D ). We were given a situation, and then we will write a story about it. In this case, the situation happened in the library, a week before my wedding, where I met the Little Prince and invited me to go to his planet. Forgive me if this story is weird. :)))

Summer

This is a not-so-Elo post. :) ...because I'll post the things that happened last summer in a way that the usual bloggers do. I am not the type of blogger who publish blog posts with pictures. Even if this post is too late (and because my real summer vacation started too late), I think these events are still worth posting.

1. The Class Card
   My summer begins with this bad news that turned out well in the end. For more details about this, CLICK HERE.
   

   

   Alaala ng isang masamang pangyayari: Mabuti na lang hindi na ito ang grade na nakalagay sa CRS . :) 

2. On-the-job training
   The main event of my summer. (Lalalaaaa....) I was the only trainee at one of the labs of NSRI. If I were to describe what happened here, I would say that my training as a whole is tiring yet interesting. This OJT consumed most of my time everyday. It feels like I work more than 8 hours, because I have to do my reports at night. Those reports are not just reports; they are scientific reports. (Imagine the workload. Bwahahaha.) On the other hand, my training became interesting because I was able to learn new things, particularly some laboratory techniques that I am just about to study this upcoming school year. The best thing is I was able to experience them hands on, an experience that I might not be able to have for the rest of my undergrad years.

   

   Mouse testis at 4um. Sectioned using cryostat.
   
   

   

   Feels like a real scientist with this agarose gel illuminated with UV light. \m/

3. Training for Victory (T4V)
   This training equipped me to make disciples. Other than the lots of things that I have learned about discipleship, I also enjoyed the company of my T4V batchmates during the 5 weeks of our training. I also experienced (almost) how to fly from Diliman to Morayta because I only have 1 hour and 15 minutes to travel from one end to another.
   
   

   

   T4V Batch 7.  GO FISH!

   

   At dahil graduate na ako. :D
   

   
   
4. Caliraya Leaders Camp 2012
   One of the reasons why I was able to survive my restless summer is this. (At least I had this camp as an event to look forward to.) Although this camp happened during the first three days of June (already), I still consider this camp as one of the events I had last summer. I learned a lot, enjoyed a lot.... at nakapagrelax na rin (SA WAKAS.) :D I will also never ever forget my ever beloved (and always champion para sa akin na) Orange Team. Heehee.
   
   

   

   My roommates. Hindi ko rin sila makakalimutan. :)

   
   
   
   

05182012

They do not look good; but the memories behind it were real and beautiful.
And now I am talking of those numbers again. Those numbers that were permanently written on my transcript of records and classcards. They were not as excellent as they were supposed to be. In those numbers I can see pain, hardship, and perseverance. Not just those things; I can also see my procrastination and my shortcomings.

I can see from those numbers how imperfect I am. And I can also see how dependent I am to God.

Originally, as I see those numbers, I also see my incompetence. To any person who was formerly included in what people say as the "cream of the crop" in high school, it is disappointing to have those numbers upon entering the university. Frustrated. That was how I felt. I always say to myself that I did my best. MY very best... and yet I failed to seize that best number.

This life is not about me at all.

I looked on what I can do. I admired my abilities... and I trusted on it. And when I tried to stand on it, I realized that they are not strong enough. Nothing compared to the world I am facing.

---- Change of perspective. :)

This life is about the Giver of this life.

I trusted on my own abilities; but I failed to trust the One who gave those abilities to me. After all, my abilities are not mine. I will not have those abilities without God. In other words, I do not have anything I can be proud of. I only have my Abba Father who has poured out His grace on a person like me. My abilities are designed to glorify Him who is strong enough to uphold me as I face the world.

As I see those numbers, I see that some not-so-good scene of the story happened in between; but then somewhere in this "in between" there is a lesson that I was able to grasp. I do not have anything I can be proud of. All I have is God's. :)

Reading List

1. Disappointment with God (Philip Yancey)
2. The Case for the Real Jesus (Lee Strobel)
3. Ruth (Elizabeth Gaskell)
4. Puddn'head Wilson and Other Tales (Mark Twain)
5. Night Draws Near (Anthony Shadid)

*I wish I have sufficient time to read these books before the year ends. :)

That Number

Muntik na akong patayin ng isang maling akala.

And because of this, I was able to feel that feeling when someone gets that grade of 5. Ang hirap pala. Pagsama-samahin na natin ang lungkot, galit, disappointment, depression at sakit ng ulo (dahil sa sobrang pag-iisip ko tungkol dito.

It was Friday the 13th (Although I do not believe in its myth, because of that some terrible thing that happened, it will be a memorable but not lovable day for me.). And there. I saw my classcard with something written on red ink. It said that I failed on a 5-unit major killer subject. I went to my prof to consult about it; but for some unidentified reasons, she was not in the proper mood to talk about my grades. Nothing worked. Kahit pagmamakaawa. I felt hopeless and was crying.

It really hurts to have that number in your history of college life (which will be seen in the transcript of records). Call it a mere number, but that number is something. My scholarship is at stake. What hurts more is when you know that you have done your best but you were not able to make it.

I believed that I will be able to pass that subject. I believed that this is impossible to happen in me, although I failed 2 out of 8 exams and barely passed the others. But that piece of paper said that I must not believe.

For three days I was in agony. I cried during the rest of my weekend. I felt hopeless; but somewhere I need to hold on to that thread of hope. I hoped that she was wrong and I am right.

Then Monday came. For the second time, I went to her again, to at least see how did I get that number. I just said to myself that whatever happens, I will accept it upon seeing each component that made up my grade. She was wrong. I am right. Something was wrong in the computation of my grades (And among all her students, I was the lucky one who got a wrong computation.). When it was corrected, I got a passing grade. Well, a bit more than the passing. :)

The rest will be history. Haha. Just imagine that awesome feeling when you got saved just before you were about to die. You will simply cry again (due to extreme happiness and gratitude). My faith was tested by that number.

Images in Black

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

Then you'll realize

There are lots of things to be seen in almost opaquely dark.

The times that were once yours

The days when what surrounds you was everything

When words were gentle and not deafening like roars

When what is impossible was nothing

Something that your soul yearns to see

Everything that the heart has been telling about

Something that the ear had heard from a shout

Everything that the child inside you wants to be

The times that you wished not to be seen by you

The days when you wished you were sleeping or dead

When colors around you were gray and blue

When the body and the soul were deeply wounded

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

See that the "was", "will be" and "must be" in your mind becoming alive

See that the "must not be" are creeping in the dark

Although the eyes are closed,

The heart still beats.

The face sometimes smiles;

There are times that it cries.

The tears may fall.

They happen.

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

Hear the silence of the night that is dark.

Wait until the thought temporarily dies.

Wait until you fall asleep. 

Grasp. Hold on. Keep holding on.

Just had my last two tough weeks. And yet finals was not yet there. It is indeed hard; and this is my hardest semester ever. (Summer please come soon.) God was teaching me that same message for a week already.
Thank Him when you're blessed. Thank Him when you're not...?


I have done my best; and yet the best is not still there. The prize is miles far away from me. Where are your promises to me, my Lord? If you are with me, why is this happening? Those type of thoughts were on my mind. With those circumstances bugging around, it feels like I'm terribly wounded.

If there is one thing that I learned, it is something about my supposed-to-be response in times this. This experience is hard; but responding to this hard experience is harder.


I will worship Him even if I am hurt and wounded. God is still God, and my sufferings will not make him less of being a God. How will someone honor God when she feels weak inside? Looks like a paradox, right? Yet in times like this, He reveals more of His power, and apart from God, we are weak. See more of Him, and not on the circumstances.


Even if you are hurt and wounded, I am still with you, mighty warrior. Despite of my doubts, God said those words to me. He is still the Lover of my soul, and my doubts will not make Him love me less. He is a God and a Lover at the same time. He calls me mighty because I am with Him. :)
At the end of the day, this is not about the promise being granted, it is about the Giver of that promise. This is all about God.

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

-Psalm 71:20-21 (NIV) 

 

02132012

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.

I just want you to know that those very words came from God (Isaiah 43:4). Believe it or not, there are cheesy lines in the Scriptures. This is one of them, and one of my favorite verses in the Bible.

My God is not a stoic God. In fact, He is a lovesick Father, who has been reaching out for all people in the world and rejoices every time there is someone who comes to back to Him. I know He smiles at me now (and even to the person who reads this). ;)

So whether you are single, in a relationship, engaged, married or "it's complicated", I just want you to know that...

you
are
loved. :)

You are precious and honored in God's sight, even if you there are times you can't feel it to yourself. He loves you so much, that He even gave the life of His Son for you to be drawn back to Him. A different yet real love.

In this season of love, let us first take a look at a great love that exists since the beginning of everything...

Happy hearts day people. >:D<

breaking the silence

I am simply amazed on
...Your immeasurable power as I witness the way You change the lives of different people.

...Your unfailing and unconditional love that reaches and changes the most unreachable heart.

...Your complex thoughts as I understand the way every detail of life goes in a proper process.

And here I am. Speechless.

Standing in awe as a witness to everything You've done.
And as a proof of Your power and love.

I long to know You more...
And to live for You for the rest of my life.

:)

Because I miss blogging...

I am posting again some random thoughts, because I still believe that the greatest things are sometimes occuring randomly. Heehee. Right now I am thinking of the things that are supposed to be posted here, but because of my super busyness, I was not able to post before.
.
.
.
(still thinking)
.
.
.
Heto nnnaaaaaa.
Here are the random things from a random blog of a random mind.

7 Days of Prayer and Fasting. I started the year consecrating myself for God. Surprisingly, I was able to do this one; but the more surprising thing is that God answered one of my prayers even before it ends. :D

Books to read. Right now, I have 4 on the list; but again, because of my super busyness, ... (complete the most probable phrase for this sentence. :p). I'd rather read my textbooks. Ouch.

Birthday on Friday. This Friday will be my 19th birthday. My last year as a teen.

Plans. I am excited for my summer since this will be my first summer in my undergrad life that I will not be taking any summer classes. I'll make myself busy with DOST's Summer Practical Training Program (SPTP) and Training for Victory (T4V).

Stories in my mind. Because my imagination goes somewhere, there are now three of them; but I cannot express them through words.

My random thoughts ended up being random, somehow going to different directions. Haha.
I still need to sleep, or else I'll get sleepy again in my Animal Physio class tomorrow. T.T
Good morning.

Realizations

1. I see myself in the future preferably facing papers and writing than facing the camera.
2. Be careful in what you wish for, because life is full of surprises. Indeed.
3. You'll worry more of time as you get old, not because your day counts, but because your things to do adds up until you cannot count them at all.
4. Next week is a sooo busy week.
5. Mature people can act immaturely when they become driven by emotions.
6. I need to add my list of 25 things to experience before I die (because I have not reached 25 yet).
7. Any food will smell good if you are deprived of food for 7 days.
8. I can survive 7 days of prayer and fasting.
9. I'm turning 19 soon.
10. That awkward moment when your supposed to be embarrassing moment did not happen, and you told a lot of people that it will be embarrassing.