Elo was found guilty... of being physically present, but mentally and spiritually absent. (???) She was found guilty of cramming in examinations, of having much time on Facebook than laboratory manuals, of forgetting to have a prayer, and of leaving the Bible unread from Monday to Saturday.
Aw, grabe na pala, at kung tutuusin, kulang pa yan. I have a lot of sins. Natural lang, dahil isa rin lang akong tao. Pero di ba dapat may pagbabago?
"I Woke up this morning
With this feeling inside me that I can't explain like a weight that I've carried
Been carried away, away"
Aminin na, may mga araw talaga na parang EMPTY. The feeling na parang ang hirap bumangon sa umaga, kahit dapat nagcracram na. Samahan pa ng mga araw na parang dumadaan lang sa tainga ko ang discussion ng prof, at saka lang mag-aaral ng todo a day before exams. Mga araw na hindi alam kung saan ang patutunguhan. I must be happy, of course...pero may times na ang hirap magpakasaya.
I missed God. Yun na yon. Naalala ko pa ang bonding moments with the ministry. Namimiss ko na ang tambourine ko... ang sarili as a tambourinist. At ng nag-aral ako dito sa Manila, umaattend ako sa Sunday service, but it feels like I'm numb. He seems so distant...at ako, hindi ko alam kung saang lupalop ng isipan napapadpad. Sometimes, nagde-daydream lang, o kaya naman pinoproblema ang acads habang nasa church.
Apart from God, I can do nothing. Siguro nakakalimutan ko ang sentence na ito. Masyado akong nagrerely sa sarili ko, kahit hindi naman reliable.
Ikaw lang naman ang lumalayo eh. Yan ang words na nag-e-echo sa isipan ko. It has been so long, pero ang slow ng development. Haay. I have spent too much on other things na hindi naman magtatagal. I'm so sorry.
Pero thankful na rin ako... dahil hindi Niya ako pinabayaan. ^_^ Binigyan pa ako ng chance. Mabuti na lang may nag-invite sa akin na umattend sa isang Bible Study sa campus. It was just then na na-realize ko na I had missed a lot.
"It feels like today I know
It feels like today I'm sure
It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing I'm wishin'
Life's sacred blessin' and then
It feels like today "
Narestore na ulet... parang ganun. :') Wala namang mangyayari sa akin kung patuloy lang akong malulungkot at isipin kung gaano ka-unfair ang mundo. I need to grow (parang halaman). I have to look forward sa mga plano ni God sa akin. I do believe that He always loves me (cheesy!).
(...at nagkaroon pa ako ng time para magblog. haha. detox mode. may 2 hell weeks pa na paparating.)
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (Favorite verse. I would like to thank Ate Zabdiel for this... kahit alam kong hindi mo nababasa itong blog ko.)
