My Life as an Environmental Science Student

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

Took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Who would have thought that I will become a graduate student right now? I was a graduate of BS Biology last year in UP Manila. I dreamed of becoming a doctor ever since I was a kid. Upon knowing this background, you would think that I would be pursuing medicine someday. However, that was not the case for me. I took another path, and decided to take MS Environmental Science in UPLB.

Why pursue a Master's degree? It is because until this point in time I am not seeing myself as a medical doctor. I just know in myself that when I force myself to go to a medical school, I will not be happy. I want to do something that I am passionate about. I would like to become a teacher in the future, and I find my MS degree as a firm stepping stone in pursuing that passion.

After I graduated last 2013, I find myself a bit lost in track. I am a Biology major,  but I do not have any field of specialization. I find it hard to fit myself in any workplace. Whenever there is a job hiring available, they usually require a working experience and an area of specialization. Unfortunately, I do not have any of those. So, I decided to study again as a graduate student.

This track I chose was never easy indeed. I came in the grad school together with my anxieties, and honestly, I had a hard time adjusting myself during my first few days (or even weeks, I guess). Being the youngest, a fresh graduate of a Bachelor's degree and without any work experience, pursuing graduate studies in UPLB is really a tough challenge for me.

Why Environmental Science? I chose this field because I learned to appreciate it during my undergraduate thesis. My thesis was more likely related to environmental science. My thinking before was just seeing a little perspective then, about molluscs, heavy metals, bioaccumulation and other related stuff. Little did I know that environmental science is something greater and broader.

I saw a wider perspective of environmental science when I became an MS (short for Master of Science) student. I realized that an environmental problem is not that simple. A lot of angles has to be inspected, or in other terms, this problem passes through a lot of disciplines that it has to be approached holistically. I also realized that I am still ignorant in a lot of things. The term "interdisciplinary" may somehow be called a cliché in environmental science, but that term really taught me to become open in other disciplines, whether in natural or physical or social sciences, and to be willing to learn new things from others.

I also learned how to deal with other people. As an environmental scientist, being a team player is really a must. One must know the tradition of pakikisama by heart. A team may be diverse as its members come from different disciplines, but it has to work as one, just like a super-organism (Sounds familiar, right?).

And to tell you the truth, I am enjoying my life as a graduate student because of the people around me. I have my awesome professors, batchmates and classmates with me (Naks. :p) . I never experienced being alone in my journey (so far), contrary to what I was expecting before. I thought that I'll be having very few buddies because only few people pursue grad school. But that is not the case for me. They're so many for me (Probably because I used to have a relatively small circle of friends). I still have a social life with them. I enjoy their company as I learn lots of lessons in life, career, and even love (Hahaha!) from them. Being the youngest in the batch, I also enjoy being called as bunso. :)

Grad school is bittersweet. It costs more money, sleep, blood, sweat and tears; but it can bring to anyone lessons and experiences that are invaluable indeed. It gave me a chance to mature in a different way. I'll just try my best to cherish every bittersweet moments I'm having right now and soon leave this season happily and without any regrets.

#thesisit

Right now, I am thankful that I have my time to breathe. A time to relax and to do nothing. A time that is away from the busyness of my life as a senior student. And a time to reflect on the things that have happened.

And yes, a time to have a blog post.

These past few weeks, I was forced to do something beyond my abilities as a human being. One deadline after the other, sleepless nights, hundreds of hours in front of my laptop, liters of coffee, eyebags, losing appetite, losing weight. That is how my undergrad thesis went into my senior life.

Those times
...when you want to cry but you can't, because your time is so limited that you cannot even give a moment for shedding those tears.
...when you become unaware of what is happening around you because you are too focused on doing the manuscript.
...when you become tired physically because you have to spend days and nights with your laptop.
...when you become tired mentally that you have to suffer from severe headaches the moment you wake up because of too much thinking about it.
...when you become tired even spiritually because it feels like it's hard to hear anything from God.
...when you have no choice but to let go of the responsibilities that you would love to do.

Manuscript writing happened like a whirlwind, and I guess it will be better not to describe the details on how did it go. The memories are all mine to be remembered. Hahaha. We had our defense a day before V-Day, and thank God, it all went well.

Putting all the tiresome activities and slight bitterness aside, I want to thank the following who really helped me to push this.

I thank God for all the favor and grace that he provided on us as we push this undergrad thesis. I feel so highly favored that I sometimes I feel like You had spoiled me. Thanks for all the blessings. Truly, Your grace is sufficient to sustain me to face each day. I'm doing my best for You.

To my thesis adviser, if only you know how grateful I am. Thank you for being so supportive to us, although we sometimes had our shortcomings in meeting your deadlines and expectations. You did not give up on us. Thank you for encouraging me to give my best shot, despite the problems happening around.

Ate Erika, my dear thesis partner, I want to thank you for spending time with me, for working with me. Gagraduate na tayo. \m/

To my Mommy, forgive me during those times I cannot talk to you with a sound mind through phone. Thank you for all your prayers and support.

We're almost there, finalizing the manuscript (and soon for binding) and making the poster (yay!!). It is really worth the time, the wait, and effort; and indeed, thesis writing added color to my life as a Bio student.

05182012

They do not look good; but the memories behind it were real and beautiful.
And now I am talking of those numbers again. Those numbers that were permanently written on my transcript of records and classcards. They were not as excellent as they were supposed to be. In those numbers I can see pain, hardship, and perseverance. Not just those things; I can also see my procrastination and my shortcomings.

I can see from those numbers how imperfect I am. And I can also see how dependent I am to God.

Originally, as I see those numbers, I also see my incompetence. To any person who was formerly included in what people say as the "cream of the crop" in high school, it is disappointing to have those numbers upon entering the university. Frustrated. That was how I felt. I always say to myself that I did my best. MY very best... and yet I failed to seize that best number.

This life is not about me at all.

I looked on what I can do. I admired my abilities... and I trusted on it. And when I tried to stand on it, I realized that they are not strong enough. Nothing compared to the world I am facing.

---- Change of perspective. :)

This life is about the Giver of this life.

I trusted on my own abilities; but I failed to trust the One who gave those abilities to me. After all, my abilities are not mine. I will not have those abilities without God. In other words, I do not have anything I can be proud of. I only have my Abba Father who has poured out His grace on a person like me. My abilities are designed to glorify Him who is strong enough to uphold me as I face the world.

As I see those numbers, I see that some not-so-good scene of the story happened in between; but then somewhere in this "in between" there is a lesson that I was able to grasp. I do not have anything I can be proud of. All I have is God's. :)

That Number

Muntik na akong patayin ng isang maling akala.

And because of this, I was able to feel that feeling when someone gets that grade of 5. Ang hirap pala. Pagsama-samahin na natin ang lungkot, galit, disappointment, depression at sakit ng ulo (dahil sa sobrang pag-iisip ko tungkol dito.

It was Friday the 13th (Although I do not believe in its myth, because of that some terrible thing that happened, it will be a memorable but not lovable day for me.). And there. I saw my classcard with something written on red ink. It said that I failed on a 5-unit major killer subject. I went to my prof to consult about it; but for some unidentified reasons, she was not in the proper mood to talk about my grades. Nothing worked. Kahit pagmamakaawa. I felt hopeless and was crying.

It really hurts to have that number in your history of college life (which will be seen in the transcript of records). Call it a mere number, but that number is something. My scholarship is at stake. What hurts more is when you know that you have done your best but you were not able to make it.

I believed that I will be able to pass that subject. I believed that this is impossible to happen in me, although I failed 2 out of 8 exams and barely passed the others. But that piece of paper said that I must not believe.

For three days I was in agony. I cried during the rest of my weekend. I felt hopeless; but somewhere I need to hold on to that thread of hope. I hoped that she was wrong and I am right.

Then Monday came. For the second time, I went to her again, to at least see how did I get that number. I just said to myself that whatever happens, I will accept it upon seeing each component that made up my grade. She was wrong. I am right. Something was wrong in the computation of my grades (And among all her students, I was the lucky one who got a wrong computation.). When it was corrected, I got a passing grade. Well, a bit more than the passing. :)

The rest will be history. Haha. Just imagine that awesome feeling when you got saved just before you were about to die. You will simply cry again (due to extreme happiness and gratitude). My faith was tested by that number.

Because I miss blogging...

I am posting again some random thoughts, because I still believe that the greatest things are sometimes occuring randomly. Heehee. Right now I am thinking of the things that are supposed to be posted here, but because of my super busyness, I was not able to post before.
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(still thinking)
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Heto nnnaaaaaa.
Here are the random things from a random blog of a random mind.

7 Days of Prayer and Fasting. I started the year consecrating myself for God. Surprisingly, I was able to do this one; but the more surprising thing is that God answered one of my prayers even before it ends. :D

Books to read. Right now, I have 4 on the list; but again, because of my super busyness, ... (complete the most probable phrase for this sentence. :p). I'd rather read my textbooks. Ouch.

Birthday on Friday. This Friday will be my 19th birthday. My last year as a teen.

Plans. I am excited for my summer since this will be my first summer in my undergrad life that I will not be taking any summer classes. I'll make myself busy with DOST's Summer Practical Training Program (SPTP) and Training for Victory (T4V).

Stories in my mind. Because my imagination goes somewhere, there are now three of them; but I cannot express them through words.

My random thoughts ended up being random, somehow going to different directions. Haha.
I still need to sleep, or else I'll get sleepy again in my Animal Physio class tomorrow. T.T
Good morning.

Random thoughts

1. It is better to have an exam a day than two exams in a day. I have that tendency to sacrifice one for the sake of the other. But yesterday, it seemed that I lost both of them. No more shotgun exams, E.
2. Paradigm shift, paradigm shift, paradigm shift... until when? Where is the change?
3. ALWAYS STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE.
4. I set standards that I myself cannot even reach. :\ ---> a character of a Melancholy temperament.
5. I want this semester to end soon. I need to retrieve my lost hours (or should I say "days") of sleeping; and I have to read my books that I bought last September at MIBF.
6. No more finals please.

We are not for sale!

11252010. I joined the strike.

It was my first time to attend a rally. This is indeed a memorable day for me, for this is also my first time in my UP life to say my stand against the 1.39B budget cut through a protest. We had a snake rally along the UP Manila campus. I did this voluntarily, and this is not a requirement of any "leftist" professor. I DID THIS TO BE HEARD.

Sad to say, not all understands why we are doing this. Or maybe the majority of all the Filipinos. Some will say "Puro na lang kayo rally... Wala na kayong magandang sinabi sa gobyerno." (see comments here: http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/11/25/10/students-walk-out-over-budget-cuts?page=1) The question is: have you ever seen the whole picture of this issue? Maybe it is easy for these people to tell these words and make judgments; but they do not know the situation of an Iskolar ng Bayan. In UP, a Bracket B student (with an annual family income of Php 1M and below) pays Php 1000 per unit in tuition fees alone, excluding the miscellaneous fees -- an amount which is almost similar in private schools. We still belong to the state universities and colleges (SUCs). In this mere situation alone, it is already hard to tell that we are still subsidized by the government. Do they know that most of our classrooms are not conducive for learning? Try to visit a state university in the Philippines once. You'll see malfunctioning air conditioners, improvised laboratory facilities, last-century desktop computers, broken windows and many more. Is this what they call QUALITY EDUCATION? After that, ask a UP professor on how much do they earn in teaching these students. And I hate these close-minded people. Be informed. Think twice or maybe even thrice before giving words. As my classmate said, "Unless you're from UP, it will somehow be hard for you to understand..." All the facts are laid. I do hope you all have the mind to understand our situation.

The budget of UP gets smaller every year. The worst thing is, for the 2011 budget, Php 1.39B was slashed from the proposed budget -- the largest in UP history. The majority of the students are below the poverty line. And there are many deserving students who loses hope each year because they do not have enough money for a higher education. Aside from that, UP also shoulders the budget of the Philippine General Hospital (PGH), an institution giving healthcare services to more than 600,000 patients.

On the other hand, the military sector had a budget increase of more than Php 100B. I am not saying that the military does not need a budget fee increase; but does all the money go to where it should go? I hope I am wrong that this huge amount, together with the pork barrels, goes to the hands of the greedy.

And what will be the solution? Another tuition fee increase? Privatization of SUCs? NO. As long as the word STATE is still there, it is an obligation of the Philippine government to provide education for all. We are simply asking for our fair share. We have done everything to be heard: signature campaigns, letters, protests; but none of them was heard. And I hope that this time, this strike will break down all the barriers that keep the government from listening to our cry.

I may not have all the time to join the whole strike, but I have my full support to oppose the 1.39B University of the Philippines budget cut.

Education is a right. UP NOT FOR SALE!