The way we used to be

We used to be close
With friendship being built through time.
Against all trials.
But then there came a time
When it went too far
And it caused pain
As the deepest parts of me
Became uncovered,
Revealed,
Until I could not stand the spotlight anymore.

Slowly the girl moved away
From the spotlight
To the backstage
To the exit door
And ran away.
Crying.
Broken.

It took days and weeks
Until the emotion faded somehow.
I went back,
Tried to fix it up.
To restore everything
To the way we used to be.

Probably it is I who built the wall
Unconsciously.
A defense mechanism
Of someone who is afraid of being uncovered,
Revealed.

Probably they were the ones who built it.
I just don't fit in
Since I'm not the one
They are expecting me to be.

Maybe it's time
To accept the change.
If it's impossible to embrace,
Maybe,
At least,
I have to accept it.
Just like that.
Because everything has changed
From the way we used to be.

My Life as an Environmental Science Student

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

Took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Who would have thought that I will become a graduate student right now? I was a graduate of BS Biology last year in UP Manila. I dreamed of becoming a doctor ever since I was a kid. Upon knowing this background, you would think that I would be pursuing medicine someday. However, that was not the case for me. I took another path, and decided to take MS Environmental Science in UPLB.

Why pursue a Master's degree? It is because until this point in time I am not seeing myself as a medical doctor. I just know in myself that when I force myself to go to a medical school, I will not be happy. I want to do something that I am passionate about. I would like to become a teacher in the future, and I find my MS degree as a firm stepping stone in pursuing that passion.

After I graduated last 2013, I find myself a bit lost in track. I am a Biology major,  but I do not have any field of specialization. I find it hard to fit myself in any workplace. Whenever there is a job hiring available, they usually require a working experience and an area of specialization. Unfortunately, I do not have any of those. So, I decided to study again as a graduate student.

This track I chose was never easy indeed. I came in the grad school together with my anxieties, and honestly, I had a hard time adjusting myself during my first few days (or even weeks, I guess). Being the youngest, a fresh graduate of a Bachelor's degree and without any work experience, pursuing graduate studies in UPLB is really a tough challenge for me.

Why Environmental Science? I chose this field because I learned to appreciate it during my undergraduate thesis. My thesis was more likely related to environmental science. My thinking before was just seeing a little perspective then, about molluscs, heavy metals, bioaccumulation and other related stuff. Little did I know that environmental science is something greater and broader.

I saw a wider perspective of environmental science when I became an MS (short for Master of Science) student. I realized that an environmental problem is not that simple. A lot of angles has to be inspected, or in other terms, this problem passes through a lot of disciplines that it has to be approached holistically. I also realized that I am still ignorant in a lot of things. The term "interdisciplinary" may somehow be called a cliché in environmental science, but that term really taught me to become open in other disciplines, whether in natural or physical or social sciences, and to be willing to learn new things from others.

I also learned how to deal with other people. As an environmental scientist, being a team player is really a must. One must know the tradition of pakikisama by heart. A team may be diverse as its members come from different disciplines, but it has to work as one, just like a super-organism (Sounds familiar, right?).

And to tell you the truth, I am enjoying my life as a graduate student because of the people around me. I have my awesome professors, batchmates and classmates with me (Naks. :p) . I never experienced being alone in my journey (so far), contrary to what I was expecting before. I thought that I'll be having very few buddies because only few people pursue grad school. But that is not the case for me. They're so many for me (Probably because I used to have a relatively small circle of friends). I still have a social life with them. I enjoy their company as I learn lots of lessons in life, career, and even love (Hahaha!) from them. Being the youngest in the batch, I also enjoy being called as bunso. :)

Grad school is bittersweet. It costs more money, sleep, blood, sweat and tears; but it can bring to anyone lessons and experiences that are invaluable indeed. It gave me a chance to mature in a different way. I'll just try my best to cherish every bittersweet moments I'm having right now and soon leave this season happily and without any regrets.

07222013

To the reader,

It's been a long time since I posted anything here. My undergrad life ended a few months back, and it feels like my life has paused for a while. Actually, it's moving. I just feel that it moves slowly after graduation. The post-graduation crisis, I guess. Nothing's significantly happening in me; however, in the life of other people around me, there are. And to tell you the truth, I feel a bit jealous on them.

As a person who is always in want of accomplishing something, it is truly hard for me to stay in this state. My hands are craving for work to achieve something. I am learning the art of patience so slowly (at least I am learning...little by little). I start to become bored of the routines at home. I know, I HAVE TO wait.

I am waiting productively somehow. I am getting the recommended eight hours of sleep, three liters of water, and 30-minute walks daily. I have less caffeine intake and a stress-free life. So different from what was happening last February, during the toxic days of my senior year. I am trying to pursue a healthy lifestyle--which I would have never done if I were busy at work or at school.

Still in hopes that my life will move significantly in its proper time,

Elo

P.S. I really need to gain weight. I'm ten kilos behind.

06062013

I remember what my churchmate had told me before. "You will have your major decisions in life when you reach the age of 20." True enough, I had one big decision that I never thought would change the flow of the next stories of my life.

It was a year ago that I decided to let go of pursuing medicine after graduation. I was 19 at that time. Since then, I wanted to pursue a master's degree after I finished Biology. I just know in my heart that I want to teach someday. I don't know how, but I have the heart. But I know it will never be enough. I know that after I finished my undergrad course, I am not yet ready and equipped to teach excellently. That is one of the reasons that drive me to pursue a postgraduate course.

Since I had somewhat a view of a direction where my life will lead to, I made out plans already. I am a person who wants to plan ahead. However, I failed to see the setbacks as I walk along. I found out that I cannot apply in the campus where I originally wanted to apply. My grades cannot make it; and if ever I luckily make it in, it will be very hard for me to survive.

The good thing about a planner like me is that I have a Plan B. Yes, I have a Plan B, and even a Plan C, my worst case scenario when everything else fails. It was really hard for me to let go of my Plan A, because I thought that it was the best. Lately, I realized that the mere fact that Plan A has its flaws makes it ineligible to be considered as the best plan.

I half-heatedly chose Plan B.  It was the same program that I wanted, but a different campus. The rest is history, and will be history. I was just surprised of the doors that opened for me. It might be my second best plan before; but right now, I can truly say that I made the right choice. I know in my heart that something greater is ahead of me. I'm not yet there; but I'm getting there. A few steps closer.

This is just one of the major decisions that I made. There are a lot to go. I have no regrets, because I learned some things. I learned to let go. And right now, I am learning the art of waiting.

04242013

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.    -Deuteronomy 31:8

It was like God is saying to me na "Anak, before ka pa gumawa ng major decisions in life, pinaghandaan ko na yan. May plans na ako ahead of your way. You only need to trust me. Huwag kang matakot. There will be times when you have to take risks in following my will. Pero in the end, I will assure you na wala kang pagsisisihan, dahil I'm giving my best for you. I have been faithful to you for more than 20 years, and I will still remain faithful to you in the next years of your life."

God, bakit ang faithful mo? :)

03292013

I never thought that April will get this critical. I never thought that it will be this difficult. Or maybe it is I who is making everything difficult. The worrier inside me wants to get out again and say "The road ahead is not that easy."

I have my dreams, my passion and my desire of achieving great things. I am done with proving myself to be somebody; I left that mindset in my high school days. Right now, I am aiming to fulfill that purpose, to do what my heart really yearns to do. In this case, I know I have to follow my heart. Follow my heart, and yet guided by wisdom.

I see a divergence ahead. Before approaching that divergence, I have already decided to take the other road -- The less traveled road. But there is this fear growing inside. I have all the opportunities, with some threats interspersed along the way. All I need is to have some guts to step ahead and overcome my fear.

God, give me the courage and make me feel secure of my future.

comic. tragic.

Last Song Syndrome.

Because this song speaks of a half-fiction-half-real story.
A day will come when I'll laugh every time I remember it.

To have something to laugh at in the future, I decided to post this... before this season ends.

Story of Us 

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say they're the lucky ones 

I used to know my place was a spot next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on 

Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fallout
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up, I can't break through 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

Next chapter 

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me 

I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me 

Oh I'm scared to see the ending
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side 

The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love then fight 

So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
Now, now 

And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
'Cause we're going down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

THE END.

I Dreamed a Dream

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost

This is the season when I should be busy in submitting application forms for med schools. This must be the time when I should envision myself as someone who is wearing a white coat and carrying a stethoscope.  I should be excited in studying parasites and tissues as it gives a glimpse of what I will be studying in the future.

But that's not the case for me. I never thought that the childhood dream slowly became blurry and later out of my sight. To make words simpler, right now, I cannot see myself as a physician in the future.

"I want to be a doctor someday." Those were the words that I had said since I was a child. I used to tell my classmates that I want to become a doctor. My family, since the earliest moment in my life that I can remember, have encouraged me to become one. I was too young to think of what path I want to take then, but I at that time I simply wanted to heal the sick.

Years have passed, and during my first twelve years in school, whenever I was asked of my ambition, I would always tell them that I want to be a doctor. All of them would believe on me, and all of them would hope that I will be someday. And then it changed.

I am taking Biology in college (and will graduate on April 2013). It is indeed a course for those who want to go into the medical field. As a pre-med course, this degree program really showed me what life is. I was able to see the things beyond what I see in animals and plants and nature, but I failed to appreciate its medical applications.

Calling? Certainly, there is, but I heard a different call. Different from what I aspired years ago.

After my undergrad, I am planning to take a master's degree and pursue teaching or research (Teaching is much closer to my heart, btw). These are the career options that any Bio major would less likely to choose. I don't know what will happen in the next chapters in my life; I do not have a foresight of what will happen in the future. I changed my mind not because I lose hope; I only want to take a different path right now. I want to do something that I would really love, something that I would passionately do even if the salaries are low.

To those who believed and hoped with me, I pray that I did not fail your expectations of me. I hope that whatever would become of me in a few years time, you will still be happy for me, and will celebrate with me.

09242012

Sino ba ako para problemahin ang problema ng iba?

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam. Hindi naman ako dating ganito. Noon, isa akong tao na walang pakialam sa mundo. Sino sila para paglaanan ko ng oras sa pag-iisip? May sari-sariling buhay ang bawat tao. Pero may koneksyon ang isang tao sa isa pa. Kailanman ay hindi mo masasabi na nag-iisa ang tao.

Tahimik akong tao, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon ay wala akong pakialam sa kanila. Sa paglabas ng bawat unos na sumasapit sa mga taong nakapalibot sa akin, nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman nila. Mga bagay na tila kung tutuusin ay hindi ko dapat iniisip. Subalit hindi sapat ang aking pang-unawa upang unawain ang lahat ng ito, at hindi sapat ang aking kakayahan upang isaayos ang lahat ng bagay. Tulad nila, isa lamang akong tao. Walang kakayahang maging makapangyarihan sa lahat ng bagay.

Ang mga suliraning iyon ang unti-unting dumudurog sa puso ko. Ito ang mga bagay na kung tutuusin ay hindi ko dapat nararamdaman. Minsan naisip ko na magpakamanhid na lang sa ginagawa nila. Pero ibang nilalang na ako ngayon. Hindi na umiikot sa aking sarili ang buong buhay ko. Naging bahagi na rin sila ng buhay ko.

Ang martir lang ng dating, di ba? Sa totoo lang, nakakapanghina. Nakakapanghinang isipin ang problema ng iba. Minsan gusto ko ng sumuko at ibalik ang dating sarili, ngunit hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang mawalan ng pakialam sa kapwa ko. Hindi ko kayang bitawan ang nararamdaman ng mga taong minamahal ko, lalo na ng Diyos na alam kong nakakaramdam din ng mga ganitong bagay. Isang maliit na bintana lamang ang aking nasisilayang problema kumpara sa mga problemang nakikita Niya. Alam kong kailanman, hindi Siya nawalan ng pakialam sa problema sa mundo.

Mabuti na lang, hindi Siya tao. Di hamak na malawak ang Kanyang pang-unawa, at higit Siyang makapangyarihan sa akin. Higit sa lahat, alam kong mapagmahal Siya. Alam kong wala na akong magagawa sa mga problema nila; ngunit kung Siya, alam kong meron pa.

Isa lang naman akong tao na nararamdaman ang problema ng iba. 

08142012 (a lover named Love)

I am simply thankful that God, being the Love himself (1 John 4:16), does not keep any record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4). And there is this Love who is always mindful of a person like me (Psalm 8:3), who gave up His life for me.

I came across with this verse awhile ago:

Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to your love, remember me, for you are good, O Lord.
-Psalm 25:7 (NIV 1984) 

I am a person remembered according to his love, and he remembered my sins no more (Isaiah 43:25). If there is a love who is worthy to be called as the one who conquers it all, this Love is the one. Indeed, he is a love that overcame my iniquities. ♥

#inspiredlang #inlove #paulit-ulitnalove

Recalled to Life

***A blog article originally posted on Tumblr last October 31, 2011. May contain spoilers.

I am the Resurrection and the Life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives in me will never die.-John 11:25-26 (NIV)

This passage was quoted in A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens), a novel that I finished reading yesterday. And guess what? This same passage was the same text that I heard this afternoon at the church (It made me realize one thing: God can even speak through novels!).

First, I would like to give a picture of a scene in the book. The setting of the scene was set in France, during the French Revolution. One of the main characters is about to be guillotined in a few minutes. (This, I think, would be enough. I do not want to spoil anyone who has not yet read this novel. ;) )

Death, cruelty, injustice, inequality. These abstract nouns can be associated with the scenes in the novel. It is as if disorder comes after an attempt to change another disorder; and everything seems hopeless and tragic.

I am the Resurrection and the Life…
We tend to see the impossibilities and lose our hope, like passing through the edge of a canyon wherein the the only way is to go down. Hope, the thinnest string that keeps a person from falling, suddenly breaks when everything happens against. Everything fails. Then, we fail to understand why did it happen.

In this very moment, we must believe in Him and surrender. We might not see the picture right now: it might happen some time after or even fail to see it for the rest of our life, but God works even in the most unexpected ways. The thread may be gone, but there is God’s righteous right hand to save you from death, to bring back that stolen justice, and to steady that flickering view of His plan that we fail to see.

Easier said than done, right? I myself have suffered from hopelessness, and honestly it really approaches the word impossible. The world says no, but then my faith begins to say yes again as I was reminded again what God can do, especially in times like this. I know He can give life to my seemingly dying view of tomorrow.

I will stand at my watch
and station myself at the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.

-Habakkuk 2:1 

05182012

They do not look good; but the memories behind it were real and beautiful.
And now I am talking of those numbers again. Those numbers that were permanently written on my transcript of records and classcards. They were not as excellent as they were supposed to be. In those numbers I can see pain, hardship, and perseverance. Not just those things; I can also see my procrastination and my shortcomings.

I can see from those numbers how imperfect I am. And I can also see how dependent I am to God.

Originally, as I see those numbers, I also see my incompetence. To any person who was formerly included in what people say as the "cream of the crop" in high school, it is disappointing to have those numbers upon entering the university. Frustrated. That was how I felt. I always say to myself that I did my best. MY very best... and yet I failed to seize that best number.

This life is not about me at all.

I looked on what I can do. I admired my abilities... and I trusted on it. And when I tried to stand on it, I realized that they are not strong enough. Nothing compared to the world I am facing.

---- Change of perspective. :)

This life is about the Giver of this life.

I trusted on my own abilities; but I failed to trust the One who gave those abilities to me. After all, my abilities are not mine. I will not have those abilities without God. In other words, I do not have anything I can be proud of. I only have my Abba Father who has poured out His grace on a person like me. My abilities are designed to glorify Him who is strong enough to uphold me as I face the world.

As I see those numbers, I see that some not-so-good scene of the story happened in between; but then somewhere in this "in between" there is a lesson that I was able to grasp. I do not have anything I can be proud of. All I have is God's. :)

Images in Black

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

Then you'll realize

There are lots of things to be seen in almost opaquely dark.

The times that were once yours

The days when what surrounds you was everything

When words were gentle and not deafening like roars

When what is impossible was nothing

Something that your soul yearns to see

Everything that the heart has been telling about

Something that the ear had heard from a shout

Everything that the child inside you wants to be

The times that you wished not to be seen by you

The days when you wished you were sleeping or dead

When colors around you were gray and blue

When the body and the soul were deeply wounded

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

See that the "was", "will be" and "must be" in your mind becoming alive

See that the "must not be" are creeping in the dark

Although the eyes are closed,

The heart still beats.

The face sometimes smiles;

There are times that it cries.

The tears may fall.

They happen.

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

Hear the silence of the night that is dark.

Wait until the thought temporarily dies.

Wait until you fall asleep. 

Grasp. Hold on. Keep holding on.

Just had my last two tough weeks. And yet finals was not yet there. It is indeed hard; and this is my hardest semester ever. (Summer please come soon.) God was teaching me that same message for a week already.
Thank Him when you're blessed. Thank Him when you're not...?


I have done my best; and yet the best is not still there. The prize is miles far away from me. Where are your promises to me, my Lord? If you are with me, why is this happening? Those type of thoughts were on my mind. With those circumstances bugging around, it feels like I'm terribly wounded.

If there is one thing that I learned, it is something about my supposed-to-be response in times this. This experience is hard; but responding to this hard experience is harder.


I will worship Him even if I am hurt and wounded. God is still God, and my sufferings will not make him less of being a God. How will someone honor God when she feels weak inside? Looks like a paradox, right? Yet in times like this, He reveals more of His power, and apart from God, we are weak. See more of Him, and not on the circumstances.


Even if you are hurt and wounded, I am still with you, mighty warrior. Despite of my doubts, God said those words to me. He is still the Lover of my soul, and my doubts will not make Him love me less. He is a God and a Lover at the same time. He calls me mighty because I am with Him. :)
At the end of the day, this is not about the promise being granted, it is about the Giver of that promise. This is all about God.

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

-Psalm 71:20-21 (NIV) 

 

02132012

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.

I just want you to know that those very words came from God (Isaiah 43:4). Believe it or not, there are cheesy lines in the Scriptures. This is one of them, and one of my favorite verses in the Bible.

My God is not a stoic God. In fact, He is a lovesick Father, who has been reaching out for all people in the world and rejoices every time there is someone who comes to back to Him. I know He smiles at me now (and even to the person who reads this). ;)

So whether you are single, in a relationship, engaged, married or "it's complicated", I just want you to know that...

you
are
loved. :)

You are precious and honored in God's sight, even if you there are times you can't feel it to yourself. He loves you so much, that He even gave the life of His Son for you to be drawn back to Him. A different yet real love.

In this season of love, let us first take a look at a great love that exists since the beginning of everything...

Happy hearts day people. >:D<

breaking the silence

I am simply amazed on
...Your immeasurable power as I witness the way You change the lives of different people.

...Your unfailing and unconditional love that reaches and changes the most unreachable heart.

...Your complex thoughts as I understand the way every detail of life goes in a proper process.

And here I am. Speechless.

Standing in awe as a witness to everything You've done.
And as a proof of Your power and love.

I long to know You more...
And to live for You for the rest of my life.

:)

Because I miss blogging...

I am posting again some random thoughts, because I still believe that the greatest things are sometimes occuring randomly. Heehee. Right now I am thinking of the things that are supposed to be posted here, but because of my super busyness, I was not able to post before.
.
.
.
(still thinking)
.
.
.
Heto nnnaaaaaa.
Here are the random things from a random blog of a random mind.

7 Days of Prayer and Fasting. I started the year consecrating myself for God. Surprisingly, I was able to do this one; but the more surprising thing is that God answered one of my prayers even before it ends. :D

Books to read. Right now, I have 4 on the list; but again, because of my super busyness, ... (complete the most probable phrase for this sentence. :p). I'd rather read my textbooks. Ouch.

Birthday on Friday. This Friday will be my 19th birthday. My last year as a teen.

Plans. I am excited for my summer since this will be my first summer in my undergrad life that I will not be taking any summer classes. I'll make myself busy with DOST's Summer Practical Training Program (SPTP) and Training for Victory (T4V).

Stories in my mind. Because my imagination goes somewhere, there are now three of them; but I cannot express them through words.

My random thoughts ended up being random, somehow going to different directions. Haha.
I still need to sleep, or else I'll get sleepy again in my Animal Physio class tomorrow. T.T
Good morning.

Realizations

1. I see myself in the future preferably facing papers and writing than facing the camera.
2. Be careful in what you wish for, because life is full of surprises. Indeed.
3. You'll worry more of time as you get old, not because your day counts, but because your things to do adds up until you cannot count them at all.
4. Next week is a sooo busy week.
5. Mature people can act immaturely when they become driven by emotions.
6. I need to add my list of 25 things to experience before I die (because I have not reached 25 yet).
7. Any food will smell good if you are deprived of food for 7 days.
8. I can survive 7 days of prayer and fasting.
9. I'm turning 19 soon.
10. That awkward moment when your supposed to be embarrassing moment did not happen, and you told a lot of people that it will be embarrassing.

just to share you a poem... :)

Tonight I Can Write...
Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is shattered

and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, and sometimes she loved me too.

How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.

The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.

My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, for certain, but now I loved her.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.

Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.

Love is so short, forgetting is so long. [emphasis added]

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms

my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer

and these the last lines that I write for her.

***

I first encountered this poem as a reading in our HumI class. What was posted above is a translated version of a poem written originally in Spanish. This poem sounds a bit emo-ish to others; but for me, this is one of the most wonderful sad poems I have ever read. It is beautifully written, although it expresses a sad emotion of heartbreak. And those italicized words make up my favorite line. A perfect metaphor, indeed. I cannot understand Spanish, and just imagine how much more beautiful the original piece of this poem is (You can Google the Spanish version of the poem, btw. ;D).

11272011

Let go of something you still hold on to.

Last Friday, our VG had talked about money and finances; then all of a sudden our discussion ended up in this thought above. That "something" someone thought to be strong enough to but not allowing him to move farther. That "something" that requires faith in order to have guts to let go of it... of that "something."

I am one of those people who tolerates rather than someone who confronts and overcomes things. RESILIENT. For a long time I was that one who strives to survive with that big giant living in me. That giant that I mistakenly hold on to.

If there is something that I have to let go of, it will be my fear. Upon entering the university, there is that fear that came in to my life. Life as an undergrad student showed me a lot of things, including the reality about this cruel world. And a single fear will can attract more fears. There is this fear of what will be my future, then fear of getting a grade of 5, fear of rejection, and fear of being inferior. Indeed, I am a perfectly imperfect being, and even if I post a lot of good things about this blog, you can still find holes in me.

Letting go of fear requires faith. Faith may sound "silly" to others, but isn't it sillier to hold on to my fear? You might probably think, "Pinapaasa mo lang ang sarili mo." There is this saying that faith can move mountains; but sometimes we need faith not to move mountains, but to climb over mountains. It requires action. There will not always have an easy way; but at least, with faith, there is a hard way that we can find and walk on to. In my case, I have to do that hard way of letting go of my fear. I know I can.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

This verse never fails to comfort me. As I walk to a journey called life, I saw from afar a bend in the road. What is beyond that bend? I don't know, actually. All I know for sure is that it is better that what I have ever imagined... or I must say, the best plan that God made for me. :)