for a friend

^supposedly a letter. recovered from a note written last October 22. still in hope that the person is getting better.

***

This would be an attempt of writing a letter for you. With this letter kept hidden, it would be impossible for you to read any of these words; it would be impossible for you to hear my side. I do hope that one day, you'll be able to listen to my side.

I know that these past few days became too hard for you, that you are indeed in a state when everything seem hopeless. Certainly, I am aware of it; it is only that I am afraid of telling these words; it is only that I might not take it to see you in that condition. Yes, in this situation I am a coward.

I do hope that you will just have a faith despite of everything happening in your life. I do not care if it is big or small, at least you have one. At least you have the guts that will drive you to push further until you have spent all of your strength. Bear in mind that God has His grace that is always there, that this grace is made perfect in weakness. Continue to have that attitude of faith.

Please do not give up, for the people around you are not giving up. When you are weak, it does not mean that you already gave up. And even if you become weak, there will people around you who will support you in every possible way that they can. And even if these people around you will be gone, God will still be there for you. He will never leave you, whatever happens.

Get well soon. You still need to pursue that dream that I dreamed before.

I Dreamed a Dream

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost

This is the season when I should be busy in submitting application forms for med schools. This must be the time when I should envision myself as someone who is wearing a white coat and carrying a stethoscope.  I should be excited in studying parasites and tissues as it gives a glimpse of what I will be studying in the future.

But that's not the case for me. I never thought that the childhood dream slowly became blurry and later out of my sight. To make words simpler, right now, I cannot see myself as a physician in the future.

"I want to be a doctor someday." Those were the words that I had said since I was a child. I used to tell my classmates that I want to become a doctor. My family, since the earliest moment in my life that I can remember, have encouraged me to become one. I was too young to think of what path I want to take then, but I at that time I simply wanted to heal the sick.

Years have passed, and during my first twelve years in school, whenever I was asked of my ambition, I would always tell them that I want to be a doctor. All of them would believe on me, and all of them would hope that I will be someday. And then it changed.

I am taking Biology in college (and will graduate on April 2013). It is indeed a course for those who want to go into the medical field. As a pre-med course, this degree program really showed me what life is. I was able to see the things beyond what I see in animals and plants and nature, but I failed to appreciate its medical applications.

Calling? Certainly, there is, but I heard a different call. Different from what I aspired years ago.

After my undergrad, I am planning to take a master's degree and pursue teaching or research (Teaching is much closer to my heart, btw). These are the career options that any Bio major would less likely to choose. I don't know what will happen in the next chapters in my life; I do not have a foresight of what will happen in the future. I changed my mind not because I lose hope; I only want to take a different path right now. I want to do something that I would really love, something that I would passionately do even if the salaries are low.

To those who believed and hoped with me, I pray that I did not fail your expectations of me. I hope that whatever would become of me in a few years time, you will still be happy for me, and will celebrate with me.