Summer

This is a not-so-Elo post. :) ...because I'll post the things that happened last summer in a way that the usual bloggers do. I am not the type of blogger who publish blog posts with pictures. Even if this post is too late (and because my real summer vacation started too late), I think these events are still worth posting.

1. The Class Card
   My summer begins with this bad news that turned out well in the end. For more details about this, CLICK HERE.
   

   

   Alaala ng isang masamang pangyayari: Mabuti na lang hindi na ito ang grade na nakalagay sa CRS . :) 

2. On-the-job training
   The main event of my summer. (Lalalaaaa....) I was the only trainee at one of the labs of NSRI. If I were to describe what happened here, I would say that my training as a whole is tiring yet interesting. This OJT consumed most of my time everyday. It feels like I work more than 8 hours, because I have to do my reports at night. Those reports are not just reports; they are scientific reports. (Imagine the workload. Bwahahaha.) On the other hand, my training became interesting because I was able to learn new things, particularly some laboratory techniques that I am just about to study this upcoming school year. The best thing is I was able to experience them hands on, an experience that I might not be able to have for the rest of my undergrad years.

   

   Mouse testis at 4um. Sectioned using cryostat.
   
   

   

   Feels like a real scientist with this agarose gel illuminated with UV light. \m/

3. Training for Victory (T4V)
   This training equipped me to make disciples. Other than the lots of things that I have learned about discipleship, I also enjoyed the company of my T4V batchmates during the 5 weeks of our training. I also experienced (almost) how to fly from Diliman to Morayta because I only have 1 hour and 15 minutes to travel from one end to another.
   
   

   

   T4V Batch 7.  GO FISH!

   

   At dahil graduate na ako. :D
   

   
   
4. Caliraya Leaders Camp 2012
   One of the reasons why I was able to survive my restless summer is this. (At least I had this camp as an event to look forward to.) Although this camp happened during the first three days of June (already), I still consider this camp as one of the events I had last summer. I learned a lot, enjoyed a lot.... at nakapagrelax na rin (SA WAKAS.) :D I will also never ever forget my ever beloved (and always champion para sa akin na) Orange Team. Heehee.
   
   

   

   My roommates. Hindi ko rin sila makakalimutan. :)

   
   
   
   

05182012

They do not look good; but the memories behind it were real and beautiful.
And now I am talking of those numbers again. Those numbers that were permanently written on my transcript of records and classcards. They were not as excellent as they were supposed to be. In those numbers I can see pain, hardship, and perseverance. Not just those things; I can also see my procrastination and my shortcomings.

I can see from those numbers how imperfect I am. And I can also see how dependent I am to God.

Originally, as I see those numbers, I also see my incompetence. To any person who was formerly included in what people say as the "cream of the crop" in high school, it is disappointing to have those numbers upon entering the university. Frustrated. That was how I felt. I always say to myself that I did my best. MY very best... and yet I failed to seize that best number.

This life is not about me at all.

I looked on what I can do. I admired my abilities... and I trusted on it. And when I tried to stand on it, I realized that they are not strong enough. Nothing compared to the world I am facing.

---- Change of perspective. :)

This life is about the Giver of this life.

I trusted on my own abilities; but I failed to trust the One who gave those abilities to me. After all, my abilities are not mine. I will not have those abilities without God. In other words, I do not have anything I can be proud of. I only have my Abba Father who has poured out His grace on a person like me. My abilities are designed to glorify Him who is strong enough to uphold me as I face the world.

As I see those numbers, I see that some not-so-good scene of the story happened in between; but then somewhere in this "in between" there is a lesson that I was able to grasp. I do not have anything I can be proud of. All I have is God's. :)

Reading List

1. Disappointment with God (Philip Yancey)
2. The Case for the Real Jesus (Lee Strobel)
3. Ruth (Elizabeth Gaskell)
4. Puddn'head Wilson and Other Tales (Mark Twain)
5. Night Draws Near (Anthony Shadid)

*I wish I have sufficient time to read these books before the year ends. :)

That Number

Muntik na akong patayin ng isang maling akala.

And because of this, I was able to feel that feeling when someone gets that grade of 5. Ang hirap pala. Pagsama-samahin na natin ang lungkot, galit, disappointment, depression at sakit ng ulo (dahil sa sobrang pag-iisip ko tungkol dito.

It was Friday the 13th (Although I do not believe in its myth, because of that some terrible thing that happened, it will be a memorable but not lovable day for me.). And there. I saw my classcard with something written on red ink. It said that I failed on a 5-unit major killer subject. I went to my prof to consult about it; but for some unidentified reasons, she was not in the proper mood to talk about my grades. Nothing worked. Kahit pagmamakaawa. I felt hopeless and was crying.

It really hurts to have that number in your history of college life (which will be seen in the transcript of records). Call it a mere number, but that number is something. My scholarship is at stake. What hurts more is when you know that you have done your best but you were not able to make it.

I believed that I will be able to pass that subject. I believed that this is impossible to happen in me, although I failed 2 out of 8 exams and barely passed the others. But that piece of paper said that I must not believe.

For three days I was in agony. I cried during the rest of my weekend. I felt hopeless; but somewhere I need to hold on to that thread of hope. I hoped that she was wrong and I am right.

Then Monday came. For the second time, I went to her again, to at least see how did I get that number. I just said to myself that whatever happens, I will accept it upon seeing each component that made up my grade. She was wrong. I am right. Something was wrong in the computation of my grades (And among all her students, I was the lucky one who got a wrong computation.). When it was corrected, I got a passing grade. Well, a bit more than the passing. :)

The rest will be history. Haha. Just imagine that awesome feeling when you got saved just before you were about to die. You will simply cry again (due to extreme happiness and gratitude). My faith was tested by that number.

Images in Black

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

Then you'll realize

There are lots of things to be seen in almost opaquely dark.

The times that were once yours

The days when what surrounds you was everything

When words were gentle and not deafening like roars

When what is impossible was nothing

Something that your soul yearns to see

Everything that the heart has been telling about

Something that the ear had heard from a shout

Everything that the child inside you wants to be

The times that you wished not to be seen by you

The days when you wished you were sleeping or dead

When colors around you were gray and blue

When the body and the soul were deeply wounded

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

See that the "was", "will be" and "must be" in your mind becoming alive

See that the "must not be" are creeping in the dark

Although the eyes are closed,

The heart still beats.

The face sometimes smiles;

There are times that it cries.

The tears may fall.

They happen.

Close your eyes.

See the vast image of black.

Hear the silence of the night that is dark.

Wait until the thought temporarily dies.

Wait until you fall asleep. 

Grasp. Hold on. Keep holding on.

Just had my last two tough weeks. And yet finals was not yet there. It is indeed hard; and this is my hardest semester ever. (Summer please come soon.) God was teaching me that same message for a week already.
Thank Him when you're blessed. Thank Him when you're not...?


I have done my best; and yet the best is not still there. The prize is miles far away from me. Where are your promises to me, my Lord? If you are with me, why is this happening? Those type of thoughts were on my mind. With those circumstances bugging around, it feels like I'm terribly wounded.

If there is one thing that I learned, it is something about my supposed-to-be response in times this. This experience is hard; but responding to this hard experience is harder.


I will worship Him even if I am hurt and wounded. God is still God, and my sufferings will not make him less of being a God. How will someone honor God when she feels weak inside? Looks like a paradox, right? Yet in times like this, He reveals more of His power, and apart from God, we are weak. See more of Him, and not on the circumstances.


Even if you are hurt and wounded, I am still with you, mighty warrior. Despite of my doubts, God said those words to me. He is still the Lover of my soul, and my doubts will not make Him love me less. He is a God and a Lover at the same time. He calls me mighty because I am with Him. :)
At the end of the day, this is not about the promise being granted, it is about the Giver of that promise. This is all about God.

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

-Psalm 71:20-21 (NIV) 

 

02132012

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.

I just want you to know that those very words came from God (Isaiah 43:4). Believe it or not, there are cheesy lines in the Scriptures. This is one of them, and one of my favorite verses in the Bible.

My God is not a stoic God. In fact, He is a lovesick Father, who has been reaching out for all people in the world and rejoices every time there is someone who comes to back to Him. I know He smiles at me now (and even to the person who reads this). ;)

So whether you are single, in a relationship, engaged, married or "it's complicated", I just want you to know that...

you
are
loved. :)

You are precious and honored in God's sight, even if you there are times you can't feel it to yourself. He loves you so much, that He even gave the life of His Son for you to be drawn back to Him. A different yet real love.

In this season of love, let us first take a look at a great love that exists since the beginning of everything...

Happy hearts day people. >:D<