Trembling Flicker

(a villanelle in reply to Rizal's poem Kundiman)

another PI100 (Rizal) requirement.
because I never thought I would be able to write something like this. :)

***

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

Generations might have not listened to your song, yet

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Struggle appears then disappears in sight;

For years, your words that people forget –

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

Silent cries echo with all its might

And your voice was expressing regret.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Those lives which were lost from this long fight

Will ignite your words that people forget –

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

The time has come when some have heard what's right.

A day will come when tears will not wet.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Your love song will be sung by people who unite;

At last, our land will hear it as justice is set.

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

09242012

Sino ba ako para problemahin ang problema ng iba?

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam. Hindi naman ako dating ganito. Noon, isa akong tao na walang pakialam sa mundo. Sino sila para paglaanan ko ng oras sa pag-iisip? May sari-sariling buhay ang bawat tao. Pero may koneksyon ang isang tao sa isa pa. Kailanman ay hindi mo masasabi na nag-iisa ang tao.

Tahimik akong tao, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon ay wala akong pakialam sa kanila. Sa paglabas ng bawat unos na sumasapit sa mga taong nakapalibot sa akin, nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman nila. Mga bagay na tila kung tutuusin ay hindi ko dapat iniisip. Subalit hindi sapat ang aking pang-unawa upang unawain ang lahat ng ito, at hindi sapat ang aking kakayahan upang isaayos ang lahat ng bagay. Tulad nila, isa lamang akong tao. Walang kakayahang maging makapangyarihan sa lahat ng bagay.

Ang mga suliraning iyon ang unti-unting dumudurog sa puso ko. Ito ang mga bagay na kung tutuusin ay hindi ko dapat nararamdaman. Minsan naisip ko na magpakamanhid na lang sa ginagawa nila. Pero ibang nilalang na ako ngayon. Hindi na umiikot sa aking sarili ang buong buhay ko. Naging bahagi na rin sila ng buhay ko.

Ang martir lang ng dating, di ba? Sa totoo lang, nakakapanghina. Nakakapanghinang isipin ang problema ng iba. Minsan gusto ko ng sumuko at ibalik ang dating sarili, ngunit hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang mawalan ng pakialam sa kapwa ko. Hindi ko kayang bitawan ang nararamdaman ng mga taong minamahal ko, lalo na ng Diyos na alam kong nakakaramdam din ng mga ganitong bagay. Isang maliit na bintana lamang ang aking nasisilayang problema kumpara sa mga problemang nakikita Niya. Alam kong kailanman, hindi Siya nawalan ng pakialam sa problema sa mundo.

Mabuti na lang, hindi Siya tao. Di hamak na malawak ang Kanyang pang-unawa, at higit Siyang makapangyarihan sa akin. Higit sa lahat, alam kong mapagmahal Siya. Alam kong wala na akong magagawa sa mga problema nila; ngunit kung Siya, alam kong meron pa.

Isa lang naman akong tao na nararamdaman ang problema ng iba. 

Adventures of a Bookworm

I guess I need to take a pause from the busyness of acads and tell you what happened on a Thursday night.

I went to the 33rd Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) at SMX Convention Center last Thursday. Last year's MIBF was the first book fair I ever attended, and I was with some of my blockmates who are also bookworms. With a limited budget at that time, I promised to myself that I will surely go to the next MIBF and will save a bigger amount of money.  These promises were granted last Thursday. :)

I arrived at SMX at around 5PM. Unlike last year, I went there alone. My senior days get busier as the end of semester approaches, and we failed to have a certain time schedule that we will be able to go there together. Going to a book fair alone is not lonely at all, because I somehow enjoy walking alone (Random fact: Most of the time I go to a mall unaccompanied.). I find joy in solitude, because during those times my mind becomes filled with lots of thoughts.

But that was not the actual case that happened in this book fair, because I was able to meet a new person. I met her inside the stall of National Bookstore, and as she saw me holding Pride and Prejudice, she told me, "Bibilhin mo? Maganda ang librong yan." I responded to her, and I said that it was indeed beautiful. I already read the novel and I simply wanted to have a copy of my own. From then on this stranger became my friend.

Her name is Liezel. She is a young professional, and a lover of classics like me. Surprisingly, she is a Christian attending at Victory Pioneer (Another random fact: I am attending at Victory U-Belt). At that time we talked about different classics, including Pride and Prejudice and Little Women. (..aand she also sees Mr. Darcy as an ideal man. :">) She also helped me in finding a more affordable version of Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina (because it is worth more than Php600 in NB).

Truly grateful of meeting a bookworm, a new friend that I would probably meet once in my whole life . I do hope that it will not be our last.

In the end, I was not alone at all. When she left, I also spotted some of my churchmates at the book fair. Riding on my way home in a jeepney full of strangers, I felt that I am not a lonely bookworm at all.

***

Bought eight books, two of which I have already read (Pride and Prejudice and What's So Amazing About Grace?). Both of them are highly recommended by yours truly... and it is worth having a copy of my own. On the left are the freebies I got from Penguin and OMF. 

08142012 (a lover named Love)

I am simply thankful that God, being the Love himself (1 John 4:16), does not keep any record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4). And there is this Love who is always mindful of a person like me (Psalm 8:3), who gave up His life for me.

I came across with this verse awhile ago:

Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to your love, remember me, for you are good, O Lord.
-Psalm 25:7 (NIV 1984) 

I am a person remembered according to his love, and he remembered my sins no more (Isaiah 43:25). If there is a love who is worthy to be called as the one who conquers it all, this Love is the one. Indeed, he is a love that overcame my iniquities. ♥

#inspiredlang #inlove #paulit-ulitnalove

Recalled to Life

***A blog article originally posted on Tumblr last October 31, 2011. May contain spoilers.

I am the Resurrection and the Life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives in me will never die.-John 11:25-26 (NIV)

This passage was quoted in A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens), a novel that I finished reading yesterday. And guess what? This same passage was the same text that I heard this afternoon at the church (It made me realize one thing: God can even speak through novels!).

First, I would like to give a picture of a scene in the book. The setting of the scene was set in France, during the French Revolution. One of the main characters is about to be guillotined in a few minutes. (This, I think, would be enough. I do not want to spoil anyone who has not yet read this novel. ;) )

Death, cruelty, injustice, inequality. These abstract nouns can be associated with the scenes in the novel. It is as if disorder comes after an attempt to change another disorder; and everything seems hopeless and tragic.

I am the Resurrection and the Life…
We tend to see the impossibilities and lose our hope, like passing through the edge of a canyon wherein the the only way is to go down. Hope, the thinnest string that keeps a person from falling, suddenly breaks when everything happens against. Everything fails. Then, we fail to understand why did it happen.

In this very moment, we must believe in Him and surrender. We might not see the picture right now: it might happen some time after or even fail to see it for the rest of our life, but God works even in the most unexpected ways. The thread may be gone, but there is God’s righteous right hand to save you from death, to bring back that stolen justice, and to steady that flickering view of His plan that we fail to see.

Easier said than done, right? I myself have suffered from hopelessness, and honestly it really approaches the word impossible. The world says no, but then my faith begins to say yes again as I was reminded again what God can do, especially in times like this. I know He can give life to my seemingly dying view of tomorrow.

I will stand at my watch
and station myself at the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.

-Habakkuk 2:1 

The Dream (a graffiti)

I saw you crying. I remembered this dream. And because our days are counted.

The Little Prince and I (a short story)

Those days will soon remain as memories: just plain memories. If rewinding a part of my past and playing it in loop are possible, I could have done it in order to cherish those memories. Even if it means upon reaching a certain season of adulthood I will become a child again, and even if those scenes would be repeating in cycles, I would rather have them than seeing my fate happening.

           My days are counted. Soon, I’m going to be married to a man. I will become a wife of someone after a week. My last few weeks have been so busy preparing for my wedding. Not just I, but all the people around me were busy. Being a bride-to-be is not like a princess waiting for that special day of happy ever after with the prince; a bride-to-be must iron out everything before the wedding comes: from venue, gowns, sponsors, up to reception area and honeymoon. And life does not end in marriage, so as long as I live, I cannot say that it will be a happy ever after.

            To isolate myself from the busyness of my marriage preparation, I went to a library to read. Reading novels allows me to forget reality for some hours. As that day comes near, my desire to forget reality becomes greater. I never really wanted that marriage in the first place; I never really loved him either. I am forced to marry someone whom I lately knew in order to strengthen my family’s business connections. I love someone else, but my parents did not (and will not ever) permit me. If my family is not powerful enough to make the life of the one I love miserable in the eyes of the society, I could have left them and fearlessly decide to leave that engagement.

               The smell of old books attracts me so much. I scanned from one shelf to another until I spotted the thin white book of The Little Prince. It was my favorite childhood story; and also his favorite novella.  How come that some things like this reminds me of him, I thought. We used to talk about it when we were young, believing that if the Little Prince did not allow the snake to bite him, he could have been alive until now.

            I grabbed the book, sat on the floor and leaned on a tall shelf filled with lots of other books. I opened the white book and scanned through its pages. The illustrations remain beautiful in the eyes of a grown-up like me, since it became a part of my childhood. These illustrations widened my developing imagination when I was young.

               “Hello there!” I suddenly heard a small, childlike voice. I stood up and walked across the room, looking on the each horizontal shelf that separate the room into sections. I was the only person in the room. I returned to the place where I sat and continued reading the book.

                “Hey miss! I’m here!” This time, that same small voice disturbed me.

                “Me?” I replied.

                Yes, the only person holding my book.”

             I looked at my side and saw a tiny young man standing beside me. He was a yellow haired and dressed in royal clothes. His eyes looked innocent, and he was smiling at me.

               I checked the book I was holding and saw the illustration of the Little Prince. Although the drawing is not as detailed as the little man I was seeing at that time, it confirmed that what I saw right before my eyes is the Little Prince.

                “You are… the prince here?” I, still surprised by what I saw, said these words to him as I pointed the illustration at the front cover. He nodded.

                The place was cold because the AC was on. The fact that I felt that coldness and the dusty books around me made me realize that I was not dreaming and what I was seeing is true.

                “Why did you call me?”

               “Because you are the only person in this room, and you are the only person who opened that book of mine after five years.”

                I felt sad upon hearing that, because I am also guilty of leaving his story behind. I grew up without thinking of the Little Prince until that moment of our encounter. I belonged to those grown-ups who left children’s stories to our childhood years.

                “I thought you were dead,” I said to him.

                “And according to what you are seeing now, I am not,” he responded. “I was able to return to my planet and saw my rose again.”

                “How is she now?”

               “She is too old to bloom as beautiful as the first time I saw her, yet she is still that same rose whom I love so dearly.”

                There was a dead silence between us. I knew that the reminiscence of his old rose made him feel sad at that time.

                “Why did you return to Earth?” I asked.

                “Because I thought I would still be able to see the pilot I met when I first arrived here. I want to tell him that my rose is still alive. After few weeks of my search for him, I heard that he was dead already. At first I thought that it was untrue, but when I went to this library and saw his biography and his book telling our story, it validated the words I heard from the people. I am really missing him.”

                I was not able to say anything for a moment. He was so sad and I do not know how to comfort him, to at least alleviate that sadness in his heart.

                 At last, I was able to say a sentence. “What can I do for you?”

              He looked at me, and his eyes suddenly enlightened with hope. “Please go with me. We will go back to the planet where I live.”

                “How can we travel from here to your planet?”

               He walked away towards a box. “You see this box? There is a cobra inside it. For five years I was able to go back and forth from asteroid B-612 to Earth using this cobra. Maybe you can help me bring back the beauty of my rose. I think she needs company other than me. We can then leave Earth and live there forever.”

                  I saw the box. It was not huge enough for a cobra in it. “There is a cobra in it?”

    “Yes.”

    “But Little Prince, I am going to be married next week. Actually, I’ll be marrying a person whom I never loved.”

               “Marrying him? Is it possible that a woman will marry a man whom she never loved?”

                With a faltering voice, I replied to him, “In this world, it is possible. In this world full of grown-ups, it is possible.” I felt the tears flowing from my eyes.

               “Ssshh… Don’t cry, miss. I’m sorry if I made you feel sad. If you want, you can run away from this mess. But once you decide to run, it will be very hard to come back. Would you like to go with me?”

                I stopped crying and thought for a moment. I can either leave this world or stay until that dreadful day comes. And how about the person I really loved? Even here or in B-612, I will not be able to see him. Since that day my parents knew that I loved him, he never appeared to me again. They have the powers to make him disappear. When I say powers, it means financial powers that enlarge their sphere of influence. They can do anything they want except one: they cannot go to B-612.

                I decided to retrieve my childhood days. At least I can have him in those days.

                “Do you trust me, my lady?”

                “Okay. I will go with you.”

***

Note: This is a story written for PI100. Believe it or not, this is an assignment in PI100, although this activity is not connected to Jose Rizal. But I really enjoyed writing short stories like these. It revived the dying writer inside me (or if there was no real writer inside me, it allowed to give birth to a new one. :D ). We were given a situation, and then we will write a story about it. In this case, the situation happened in the library, a week before my wedding, where I met the Little Prince and invited me to go to his planet. Forgive me if this story is weird. :)))