comic. tragic.

Last Song Syndrome.

Because this song speaks of a half-fiction-half-real story.
A day will come when I'll laugh every time I remember it.

To have something to laugh at in the future, I decided to post this... before this season ends.

Story of Us 

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say they're the lucky ones 

I used to know my place was a spot next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on 

Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fallout
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up, I can't break through 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

Next chapter 

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me 

I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me 

Oh I'm scared to see the ending
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side 

The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love then fight 

So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon 

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
Now, now 

And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
'Cause we're going down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now 

THE END.

for a friend

^supposedly a letter. recovered from a note written last October 22. still in hope that the person is getting better.

***

This would be an attempt of writing a letter for you. With this letter kept hidden, it would be impossible for you to read any of these words; it would be impossible for you to hear my side. I do hope that one day, you'll be able to listen to my side.

I know that these past few days became too hard for you, that you are indeed in a state when everything seem hopeless. Certainly, I am aware of it; it is only that I am afraid of telling these words; it is only that I might not take it to see you in that condition. Yes, in this situation I am a coward.

I do hope that you will just have a faith despite of everything happening in your life. I do not care if it is big or small, at least you have one. At least you have the guts that will drive you to push further until you have spent all of your strength. Bear in mind that God has His grace that is always there, that this grace is made perfect in weakness. Continue to have that attitude of faith.

Please do not give up, for the people around you are not giving up. When you are weak, it does not mean that you already gave up. And even if you become weak, there will people around you who will support you in every possible way that they can. And even if these people around you will be gone, God will still be there for you. He will never leave you, whatever happens.

Get well soon. You still need to pursue that dream that I dreamed before.

I Dreamed a Dream

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost

This is the season when I should be busy in submitting application forms for med schools. This must be the time when I should envision myself as someone who is wearing a white coat and carrying a stethoscope.  I should be excited in studying parasites and tissues as it gives a glimpse of what I will be studying in the future.

But that's not the case for me. I never thought that the childhood dream slowly became blurry and later out of my sight. To make words simpler, right now, I cannot see myself as a physician in the future.

"I want to be a doctor someday." Those were the words that I had said since I was a child. I used to tell my classmates that I want to become a doctor. My family, since the earliest moment in my life that I can remember, have encouraged me to become one. I was too young to think of what path I want to take then, but I at that time I simply wanted to heal the sick.

Years have passed, and during my first twelve years in school, whenever I was asked of my ambition, I would always tell them that I want to be a doctor. All of them would believe on me, and all of them would hope that I will be someday. And then it changed.

I am taking Biology in college (and will graduate on April 2013). It is indeed a course for those who want to go into the medical field. As a pre-med course, this degree program really showed me what life is. I was able to see the things beyond what I see in animals and plants and nature, but I failed to appreciate its medical applications.

Calling? Certainly, there is, but I heard a different call. Different from what I aspired years ago.

After my undergrad, I am planning to take a master's degree and pursue teaching or research (Teaching is much closer to my heart, btw). These are the career options that any Bio major would less likely to choose. I don't know what will happen in the next chapters in my life; I do not have a foresight of what will happen in the future. I changed my mind not because I lose hope; I only want to take a different path right now. I want to do something that I would really love, something that I would passionately do even if the salaries are low.

To those who believed and hoped with me, I pray that I did not fail your expectations of me. I hope that whatever would become of me in a few years time, you will still be happy for me, and will celebrate with me.

Trembling Flicker

(a villanelle in reply to Rizal's poem Kundiman)

another PI100 (Rizal) requirement.
because I never thought I would be able to write something like this. :)

***

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

Generations might have not listened to your song, yet

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Struggle appears then disappears in sight;

For years, your words that people forget –

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

Silent cries echo with all its might

And your voice was expressing regret.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Those lives which were lost from this long fight

Will ignite your words that people forget –

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

The time has come when some have heard what's right.

A day will come when tears will not wet.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

Your love song will be sung by people who unite;

At last, our land will hear it as justice is set.

The trembling flicker radiating so bright.

The dawn will surely come with its light.

09242012

Sino ba ako para problemahin ang problema ng iba?

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam. Hindi naman ako dating ganito. Noon, isa akong tao na walang pakialam sa mundo. Sino sila para paglaanan ko ng oras sa pag-iisip? May sari-sariling buhay ang bawat tao. Pero may koneksyon ang isang tao sa isa pa. Kailanman ay hindi mo masasabi na nag-iisa ang tao.

Tahimik akong tao, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon ay wala akong pakialam sa kanila. Sa paglabas ng bawat unos na sumasapit sa mga taong nakapalibot sa akin, nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman nila. Mga bagay na tila kung tutuusin ay hindi ko dapat iniisip. Subalit hindi sapat ang aking pang-unawa upang unawain ang lahat ng ito, at hindi sapat ang aking kakayahan upang isaayos ang lahat ng bagay. Tulad nila, isa lamang akong tao. Walang kakayahang maging makapangyarihan sa lahat ng bagay.

Ang mga suliraning iyon ang unti-unting dumudurog sa puso ko. Ito ang mga bagay na kung tutuusin ay hindi ko dapat nararamdaman. Minsan naisip ko na magpakamanhid na lang sa ginagawa nila. Pero ibang nilalang na ako ngayon. Hindi na umiikot sa aking sarili ang buong buhay ko. Naging bahagi na rin sila ng buhay ko.

Ang martir lang ng dating, di ba? Sa totoo lang, nakakapanghina. Nakakapanghinang isipin ang problema ng iba. Minsan gusto ko ng sumuko at ibalik ang dating sarili, ngunit hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang mawalan ng pakialam sa kapwa ko. Hindi ko kayang bitawan ang nararamdaman ng mga taong minamahal ko, lalo na ng Diyos na alam kong nakakaramdam din ng mga ganitong bagay. Isang maliit na bintana lamang ang aking nasisilayang problema kumpara sa mga problemang nakikita Niya. Alam kong kailanman, hindi Siya nawalan ng pakialam sa problema sa mundo.

Mabuti na lang, hindi Siya tao. Di hamak na malawak ang Kanyang pang-unawa, at higit Siyang makapangyarihan sa akin. Higit sa lahat, alam kong mapagmahal Siya. Alam kong wala na akong magagawa sa mga problema nila; ngunit kung Siya, alam kong meron pa.

Isa lang naman akong tao na nararamdaman ang problema ng iba. 

Adventures of a Bookworm

I guess I need to take a pause from the busyness of acads and tell you what happened on a Thursday night.

I went to the 33rd Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) at SMX Convention Center last Thursday. Last year's MIBF was the first book fair I ever attended, and I was with some of my blockmates who are also bookworms. With a limited budget at that time, I promised to myself that I will surely go to the next MIBF and will save a bigger amount of money.  These promises were granted last Thursday. :)

I arrived at SMX at around 5PM. Unlike last year, I went there alone. My senior days get busier as the end of semester approaches, and we failed to have a certain time schedule that we will be able to go there together. Going to a book fair alone is not lonely at all, because I somehow enjoy walking alone (Random fact: Most of the time I go to a mall unaccompanied.). I find joy in solitude, because during those times my mind becomes filled with lots of thoughts.

But that was not the actual case that happened in this book fair, because I was able to meet a new person. I met her inside the stall of National Bookstore, and as she saw me holding Pride and Prejudice, she told me, "Bibilhin mo? Maganda ang librong yan." I responded to her, and I said that it was indeed beautiful. I already read the novel and I simply wanted to have a copy of my own. From then on this stranger became my friend.

Her name is Liezel. She is a young professional, and a lover of classics like me. Surprisingly, she is a Christian attending at Victory Pioneer (Another random fact: I am attending at Victory U-Belt). At that time we talked about different classics, including Pride and Prejudice and Little Women. (..aand she also sees Mr. Darcy as an ideal man. :">) She also helped me in finding a more affordable version of Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina (because it is worth more than Php600 in NB).

Truly grateful of meeting a bookworm, a new friend that I would probably meet once in my whole life . I do hope that it will not be our last.

In the end, I was not alone at all. When she left, I also spotted some of my churchmates at the book fair. Riding on my way home in a jeepney full of strangers, I felt that I am not a lonely bookworm at all.

***

Bought eight books, two of which I have already read (Pride and Prejudice and What's So Amazing About Grace?). Both of them are highly recommended by yours truly... and it is worth having a copy of my own. On the left are the freebies I got from Penguin and OMF. 

08142012 (a lover named Love)

I am simply thankful that God, being the Love himself (1 John 4:16), does not keep any record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4). And there is this Love who is always mindful of a person like me (Psalm 8:3), who gave up His life for me.

I came across with this verse awhile ago:

Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to your love, remember me, for you are good, O Lord.
-Psalm 25:7 (NIV 1984) 

I am a person remembered according to his love, and he remembered my sins no more (Isaiah 43:25). If there is a love who is worthy to be called as the one who conquers it all, this Love is the one. Indeed, he is a love that overcame my iniquities. ♥

#inspiredlang #inlove #paulit-ulitnalove